Dysfunctional
by Shufflebot
Summary: Stan has to rely on pills to stop himself going into depression, Cartman feels as if he's been forced to self-harm, Kenny lets anyone have their way with him just for the thrill and even though Kyle seems to be holding them together, on the inside he's fa
1. Chapter 1: Stan and Kyle

**This marks the beginning of a rewrite of this story because I felt like I rushed it. Existing chapters have a few things changed or added (the first three have basically doubled in length) and there will be more chapters added to better flesh out the story.**

 **A minor thing about the characters, I only know three birthdays. This won't factor much into the plot of the story but the birthdays are : Butters 11th September, Stan 19th October, Cartman 30th November, Kenny 22nd March and Kyle 26th May. These have more to do with the oneshots.**

* * *

Dysfunctional

Chapter 1: Stan and Kyle

"Have you renewed your prescription yet?"

Stan Marsh glanced at his Super Best Friend-turned-boyfriend who sat in the front seat of his black Volkswagen Golf and frowned, "No I haven't and I don't want to."

"Dude, you can't just not get them!" Kyle Broflovski replied, slightly louder than he had planned.

Stan huffed and made a U-turn that made Kyle nearly fly into the door before replying, "Because I don't want to rely on fucking happy pills!" Stan shouted, Kyle flinched and Stan felt immediately guilty.

They sat in silence, Kyle chewed on his lip and Stan bit his cheek, "Look, I'm sorry," Stan sighed, "I'm sorry you've had to deal with my shit for three years."

The years had done both of them well, Stan had grown to 5'11' and was the South Park High School's star quarterback. As such he had built up a lot of muscle that had girls drooling, he hadn't changed his hairstyle at all because he still preferred to wear his blue and red poofball hat over his jet black hair. That didn't change the general opinion that he was one of the most attractive members of the South Park High School male population, luckily for Kyle. What most girls seemed to like about him was his eyes, a deep blue colour. Stan was typically a sensitive person and he showed his emotions with his eyes, no one knew how to read him as well as Kyle did. Stan had a habit of being lazy when it came to school work (except Biology, where he was AP, this was the only class he and Kyle shared) and Kyle usually was the one who kicked him into gear. Whilst he wasn't an animal rights activist, Stan loved animals and volunteered at the animal shelter whenever Kyle was at an extra-curricular activity. Stan preferred to talk people down instead of resorting to violence and wore his heart on his sleeve, he had once cried before a dissection in Biology, much to the amusement of everyone else in the class minus Kyle, who had taken him to the toilet to calm him down.

Kyle was one of, if not the shortest at the school, standing at 5'4''. When he was thirteen and around the time he started his relationship with Stan, freckles had become visible on his cheeks (counting them was one of Stan's favourite pass times) and there were a very small amount of barely visible freckles on his chest. Kyle was quite skinny due to his type 1 diabetes and frequent illness, but everybody (even guys) said that he had one the nicest arses in the school or the whole town. Kyle was like Stan in that he showed all his emotions through his forest green eyes. As much as he hated his red hair and his Jew-fro, he didn't bother changing it or dealing with it because his hair was as stubborn as he was, he instead chose to hide it in his trusty lime-green ushanka. He still had his temper as fiery as his hair and he was known as being one of the best fighters in the school, he had a right hook that was infamous or famous depending on who you talked to, either way, you didn't want to be on the receiving end of it. Despite his short stature, he was the star basketball player at South Park High School and he was also incredibly smart, taking all AP classes and taking part in many after school activities.

Stan and Kyle had decided to test out a relationship when they were thirteen, three years later and they were still going strong. Not long after they got together, Stan's parents divorced and Randy moved to Denver, sending Stan into a downward spiral that culminated in depression and therapy. He didn't want to be on anti-depressants but his therapist lacked any sort of confidence to take him off them, most likely because of his alcoholism when he was ten and before the therapy.

Unlike the first time, Kyle stuck by Stan completely. He dragged him out of bed if he had to, bailed him out when he didn't do his homework because of his depression and was always there for him to vent to, even if that meant he was listening on the phone or dropping everything to go and see him. Kyle was the reason Stan took his meds semi-regularly, he used to remind Stan every day and that caused a rift in their relationship for a while. They were able to fight through it and had stayed together, even during really bad arguments.

They had told Cartman and Kenny six months after their relationship started, and they had both kept it a secret. Stan and Kyle had taken advantage of the opportunity and didn't hesitate to show affection to each other if they were around, it had initially made Cartman slightly uncomfortable but not because they were gay, it would have been the same if one of them was a girl. Kenny would just get turned on.

They had given each other their virginity on their first anniversary when they were fourteen during the summer before they started high school and naturally spent their time with less clothes on whenever possible. A week later they had come out to Butters, who had become a part of their group.

Two years into their relationship, they had decided to come out to everyone. Randy and Sharon agreed on something for the first time in two years and accepted their relationship as did Gerald, Ike and Shelly, saying that they should have expected it with how much time they spent together.

Sheila however…

She didn't take it well, she slapped Kyle around the face and this prompted him to leave home after a heated argument. He was originally going to rent a motel room but he stopped off at Stan's first to tell him what happened, Stan had made him stay at the Marsh household. Gerald came round the following morning to make sure Kyle was okay and to apologise for Sheila's actions. Sharon had allowed Kyle to move in with the Marshes and he was still staying there nearly a year later.

"Don't apologise," Kyle gave Stan a sad smile, "I can understand what you mean."

Stan pulled into the car park by the pharmacist and sighed, "Can you stay here? I know that you love me and won't judge me, but I'm still embarrassed."

Kyle nodded and kissed his cheek, "I get it, it's something you have to do."

* * *

Five minutes later and they were once again on their way home when Stan's phone buzzed from in the coin tray between the seats.

"Can you check that?"

Kyle read the text that appeared on the screen, " _Keep Kyle away, the beehive is here._ "

"Aww Shit," Stan pinched the bridge of his nose, he turned to the ushanka-wearing Jew, "What do you want to do?"

"I would say go to Kenny's, but he's probably playing with an old man's balls," Both of them paused to shudder, "Let's just go to Stark's."

"We really need to go home and pack."

The Marshes were going to San Diego for a month for a reunion with their extended family, Kyle was going with them because Gerald wouldn't let him near Sheila and Stan wouldn't trust Kenny or Cartman with looking after him.

"I have to warn you," Stan said, his voice suddenly taking a serious tone, "A lot of my family up there are homophobic."

"We'll deal with that when we get there," Kyle said uncaringly, "You're family, they'll leave you be."

"That doesn't stop me from apologising in advance."

Stan stopped the car as he pulled over next to Stark's Pond. Kyle looked over to him.

"Did we bring the 3DSs?"

Stan shook his head, Kyle frowned and shook his head before getting out of the car and leaning against the now closed door. As soon as Stan got out as well he got into the backseat.

"Dude what are you…?" Stan had begun to ask as he got in with him, but was stopped by Kyle's lips on his, his tongue in his mouth and the zip on his jacket slowly descending in Kyle's fingers.

"Dude," Stan pulled back from the kiss, "People could see us."

Kyle chuckled, "That's part of the fun."

* * *

The pair had decided to go home two hours later after cuddling for a while under a stray blanket in the car and they could see the red beehive through the window and decided to make their way quietly up to Stan's room, which they now shared. Kyle now had Stan's jacket draped over his shoulders whilst Stan carried Kyle's over his arm.

"Hello boys."

That didn't go too well.

Sheila turned her head to see them trying to get to the stairs before they were noticed, Sharon gave Stan a ' _what the fuck?_ ' face and he shrugged in response.

"What are you doing here?" Stan glared. Kyle held a hand up to stop him continuing.

"Hello Mrs. Broflovski," He said with clearly fake cheerfulness, if Stan didn't know Kyle as well as he did, he wouldn't have caught the slight shake in his voice.

"Mrs. Broflovski?" Sheila rose an eyebrow, "Is that how you refer to your mother Stanley?"

"He doesn't," Kyle answered, "But you lost the right to call me your son when you ran me out the house."

Stan was astonished that Kyle could keep his voice so even, especially when he had his extremely short temper, the slightest thing could set him off. His astonishment faded when he saw Kyle's right hand ball into a fist.

Sheila was taken aback by Kyle's remark and her brow furrowed, "Kyle Isaiah Broflovski I raised you and you will show me some respect."

"You raised me only to let me fall when you found out I was a fag."

Stan looked over to his boyfriend, "Kyle, don't use that word. You know that I hate it."

"I wouldn't but it's the only way she'll understand."

Stan wrapped his arm around the shorter boy's waist and pulled him close. Kyle smirked, they both knew that would piss her off.

Kyle held eye contact with his mother for another minute in complete silence. He eventually gave up, turned to kiss Stan on the cheek and lead him upstairs.

"Tell Ike and Dad I said hi!" He called down the stairs.


	2. Chapter 2: Cartman

Dysfunctional

Chapter 2: Cartman

Eric Theodore Cartman trudged through the snow that lay on the ground and sighed. He didn't need to be in the house when his mother was earning her money. She was yet to find another profession and only served to give people an insult to use against him.

A stray tear made its way down his nose and froze upon contact with the snow, now he was hungry. Cartman had made a point to lose weight and become a better person when he turned twelve. It took a year of hard work and having to keep Stan and Kyle's relationship a secret, something he never thought he'd do in his you, but he did it.

Then Craig happened.

Craig Tucker was huge in terms of height and popularity. He stood at 6'11'' and many people took his word on social situations as fact. His group consisted of himself, Clyde Donovan, Token Black and Tweek Tweak. Craig had started spreading rumours about what Cartman's mother did in the bedroom and Cartman took the brunt of the mud-slinging and his persona began to shift. He was constantly feeling powerless and began insulting others once again to feel power, as that power diminished, he became more self-conscious and defended himself less, choosing to remain quiet and let his friends do his fighting for him. He found comfort in eating and all that weight that he had worked so hard to lose piled on again.

Cartman now stood at 5'9'' and was pretty fat, something he knew and resented. It added a pretty much permanent dull to his chocolate brown eyes. He covered his brown hair in his old hat but definitely took it off more often than anyone else, Kyle slept in his, provided that he hadn't had sex with Stan before going to sleep. Whenever he saw those two being lovey-dovey or just full-on sucking face, he felt a small niggle in his stomach and he knew exactly what it was.

Jealousy.

He was the only member of their group who was still a virgin, Stan and Kyle had sex with each other, Kenny wasn't because he was the biggest pervert around and he knew exactly how to get his way and Butters had fucked once, it was only once but still once. But it wasn't the fact that he hadn't had sex that was the problem. He felt lonely often because he didn't do anything else outside of school. Girls wouldn't touch him with a ten foot pole. He had lost a lot of his popularity with the rise of Craig, people knew him now as 'that guy who tags along with Stan, Kyle and Kenny'.

Cartman lifted his head to see that he was at Stark's Pond, he squinted at a shape ahead of him and his face lit up.

He could see Stan's car.

He had gotten closer to his friends, even Kyle, the ginger, Jersey, Jew-fag. He spent time with them frequently and his insults towards them had become harmless banter, Cartman hadn't told anyone about Stan and Kyle's relationship when they told him and as such, they trusted him with everything they told Kenny. As he got to the car he could see it shaking and froze when he heard the _noises_ coming from within.

Stan just had to be fucking Kyle _now_ didn't he?

Cartman turned on his heel and began to walk to the edge of the pond, giving off a loud sigh.

He could feel his jealousy of the Super Best (Boy)Friends resurface. At least they had someone who loved and cared about them, someone to hold them at night and someone to wake up with in the morning. Cartman was alone. Sure he hung out with Kenny and Butters very often if Stan and Kyle were occupied, sure his mother still sometimes called him Poopsiekins. Sure he had a very old pig named Fluffy who wasn't all that Fluffy and Mr. Kitty.

But he didn't have someone to hold him _that_ way.

He yearned for someone to talk to at that moment. Stan and Kyle were… occupied, Kenny was fucking who knows what and Butters was grounded.

So whilst well and truly alone…

Eric Cartman pulled his knees to his chest and cried.


	3. Chapter 3: Kenny

Dysfunctional

Chapter 3: Kenny

Kenny McCormick stepped out of the stranger's car and wiped his mouth, not wanting to leave any evidence of his activities as he stuffed the wad of cash in his pocket. He pulled a can of beer out of his pocket and guzzled, savouring the bitter taste.

Kenny stood at 5'8'' and he still wore his orange parka, albeit without the hood up. His shaggy, blond hair needed cutting but he wanted to get more money before he spent money on that so that he could give more to his sister. He hid his money under some loose floorboards under his bed so that his usually drunk and drugged mother, father and brother couldn't find it. Kenny and his younger sister Karen were very close, even though they both hardly spent any time at home, Kenny was usually at Stan's or Cartman's whilst Karen was normally at the Tucker's. Kenny was poor and it was no secret that, other than his parka, all of his clothes were hand-me-downs from his brother or friends but that didn't stop him from being able to get with any girl in the school for a quick lay.

He began to walk home, ready for whatever his father would say about what he had been doing if he was sober enough to realise. It was no secret. Kenny was certain he was only allowed in Stan's or Kyle's houses (now only Stan's) because they had been friends for so long, everyone in South Park knew exactly what he did during most afternoons. Cartman's mum had no right to complain.

And Kenny didn't care.

He was just looking for a thrill. He didn't get much of a thrill from bungee jumping or cliff diving like most people did.

Because Kenneth McCormick could not die.

The best way to get a thrill was through sex, so Kenny did it all the time when he wasn't with his friends. He would take anything. Women, men, pegging, odd fetishes, the lot. He was surprised his parents hadn't taken the Sheila Broflovski method of dealing with him, at the same time he wasn't because they wouldn't remember anything by the next morning.

He passed by Stark's Pond and saw someone sitting by the water and a car driving off. He was walking by anyway, but he recognised the figure as Cartman. He strolled over to his friend, they could probably hang out for a while.

"Hey," Kenny said, unable to see how upset Cartman was.

"Hey," Cartman replied, his voice strained, it was obvious that he had been crying.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm alone," Cartman broke down into a fresh wave of sobs, "Stan and Kyle are always together and I don't want to feel like a third wheel, Butters' parents are assholes and you're always fucking some old paedophile."

"You know I'd ditch them for my friends."

Cartman continued, "I came out today and knew you were fucking, Butters is grounded. I walked down here because Stan and Kyle were on a date and saw Stan's car here. I went to say hi, but heard them fucking in the car and I could see it shaking so I left them alone, everything has crashed down on me today and broken my balls, everything I've bottled up has been released."

"It's never good to bottle it up," Kenny said.

"As much as I was complaining about it, I think I need sometime alone to think things through."

Kenny nodded and turned to leave, "You coming to Token's party tomorrow?"

"Yeah," Cartman gave a faint smile, "Of course I am."

Token was a rich kid, so his parties were always the best.

Kenny scurried to his room before his father could see he was home and threw himself on his bed, he looked at the photo on his nightstand. It was a photo of five fourteen-year-old boys, each with big grins and poses. One of them wore a red and blue poofball hat and on his back was another boy with a lime-green ushanka with his fist in the air like a victory pose. One of them had a red jacket and seemed to wrestling with one in an orange parka and one more stood off to the side, knocking his knuckles together. Kenny sighed upon looking at it.

"What the fuck happened to us?"


	4. Chapter 4: A Relatively Normal Day

**I added this chapter just to show what a normal day is like for the boys**

* * *

Dysfunctional

Chapter 4: A Relatively Normal Day

Kyle yawned, it was a slow day at Tweak Bros. He worked at the counter there and did nothing more than make coffee or give people pastries, he had the morning shift that day and was going to Token's party. Mr. Tweak allowed him to be flexible with his hours and shifts, hence why he could get away with going away for a month. Stan would be picking him up in five minutes so they could hang out with Kenny, Cartman and Butters before the party. He absent-mindedly fiddled with the collar on his uniform, which consisted of a red polo shirt with the Tweak Bros logo on the right side of his chest and his name embroidered on his chest above his left nipple. He smiled as he shifted in his seat, not because he was uncomfortable, but because his backside was pretty tender after the night he and Stan had between the sheets. Kyle had told Stan to fuck him so hard that he'd feel it the next day and Stan didn't disappoint, even though he was more of the gentle type.

Kyle seemed to be falling asleep with his head in his hand until the bell above the door rang and he jolted awake, only to see Stan leaning on the doorframe and smirking at him before walking over to the counter.

"Can I get you anything?" Kyle smiled, still leaning on his hand.

"Do I get anything for free as your boyfriend?" Stan laughed.

Kyle stood and pecked him on the lips before sitting back down again.

"Kyle!" Mr. Tweak shouted from the storeroom, "Your shift is over, you can go now!"

"Thanks Mr. Tweak!" Kyle shouted back. He took his usual orange jacket from the back of his chair and threw it on as he walked out with Stan. Mr. Tweak would transfer the money to his bank account sometime during the week.

* * *

Stan offered his hand to him as they left the coffee shop and Kyle intertwined their fingers together, they were very public with their relationship and didn't care who saw them showing affection especially after hiding for the first two years of their relationship. In a small town like South Park, everyone knew everybody else, so everyone knew they were gay and they knew who was opposed to their relationship.

Speaking of people who opposed their relationship, a middle-aged man with a rather large stomach passed them and stared at their joined hands with a glare.

"Fags," He hissed.

"Fuck off fat tits," Kyle replied without skipping a beat.

The man turned back with a snarl, "Don't call me fat you ass ramming waste of space!"

Kyle smirked, "You're the one who takes up more space here. Don't call me and 'ass ramming waste of space' when you're the one who fucks horses!"

Stan dragged Kyle forward, "Let it go Kyle."

* * *

Kyle followed Stan as the taller teen took him to Stark's Pond, the other three were already there, skimming stones over the surface.

Butters turned to grab another stone and saw them walking over, he smiled and waved.

"Hey fellas," He shouted to them.

"Hey Butters," Stan shouted back, waving with his free hand.

Kenny and Cartman both turned around and waved as well.

"Skimming?" Kyle shook his head, "You guys must really be bored."

"We were waiting for you guys," Kenny explained, "We thought you might have some ideas."

"Have you guys had lunch yet?" Stan asked, "It's 12:30 now."

"No," Cartman replied, "Kenny and Butters wanted to wait for you."

"Wanna go City Wok?" Kyle asked, "I haven't been there since I moved in with Stan."

"I could go for some Chinese right now," Kenny sighed.

* * *

The pavement wasn't wide enough for them all, so Kenny, Cartman and Butters walked in front whilst Stan and Kyle walked behind them.

"Kyle nearly got into a fight today," Stan said to make conversation, "On the way to meet you guys."

"I did not nearly get into a fight."

"Why?" Kenny asked, diffusing a possible lover's spat.

"That fat prick who fucks horses was talking shit about our relationship," Kyle replied as they walked through the doors of City Wok.

"Herro, wercome to Shitty Wok, take your order prease!"

* * *

They took their food to their usual booth, Stan and Kyle on one side, Kenny, Cartman and Butters on the other.

"Remember when we used to prank call this place because we thought Mr. Kim's accent was funny?" Kyle grinned.

"It is funny," Cartman replied.

"Yeah," Stan agreed, "This Shitty Beef is great."

* * *

They were playing Super Smash Bros at Cartman's, Kenny, Cartman and Butters were starting a match whilst Stan and Kyle sat out because they kept winning.

"I bet you Kenny will win," Kyle said.

"Oh really?" Stan raised an eyebrow, "I bet you Cartman will win."

"What's your wager then?" Kyle smirked.

"If you lose," Stan thought for a second, "You have to jump off the fishing pier at Stark's Pond and stay in for ten minutes…"

"Easy."

"…Naked."

Kyle's face reddened, "Well then you have to do the same if you lose."

"I can't believe you two are betting on that," Kenny laughed.

"Concentrate," Kyle hissed, "I don't want to lose."

"You just want to see Stan naked," Cartman chuckled.

"I can see that whenever I like!"

It was rather easy to predict who won, it was Butters.

"Well neither of us won," Kyle sighed, feigning disappointment, "No Stark's Pond for us."

"Actually," Cartman cut in, "The bet was if you guys lost. You both lost, so you both have to jump into Stark's Pond."

* * *

Stan was silent on the way to Stark's Pond whilst Kyle just grumbled something about stupid bets. Kenny, Cartman and Butters took towels with them to make sure they actually did it.

"I'm going to fucking murder you," Kyle glared at his boyfriend.

"You were the one who made the bet!" Stan held up his hands.

"And you were the one who told me the jump into Stark's Pond butt-naked!"

"No hats as well," Cartman added from behind him, he shut up as soon as Kyle directed his glare at him.

* * *

Luckily for Stan and Kyle, Stark's Pond was deserted. Kyle wouldn't look at Stan while they undressed and he walked to the edge of the fisherman's pier, a recent addition to the lake.

Stan still had to take his boxers off, before he did, he turned to Kenny.

"Should I push him in?" Stan smirked, pointing to the Jew who had his back to them and his arms folded.

Kenny averted his eyes from Kyle's rear to nod at Stan with a large grin before turning his eyes back.

"And paws off," Stan said as he dropped his boxers.

Kenny, Cartman and Butters watched in amusement as Stan hugged Kyle from behind and spoke to him, Kyle settled into Stan's chest contentedly and he was then pushed into the water.

"YOU FUCKING PRICK!" Kyle bellowed as soon as he surfaced, "DON'T FUCKING APOLOGISE AND THEN PUSH ME IN YOU BASTARD, THIS WATER'S FUCKING FREEZING!"

Stan was laughing way too hard to reply.

Kyle growled and swam to the pier, clutching the edge and starting to lift himself out. Instead of swinging his leg up to climb out, he let go of the pier to grab Stan's hand, pulling him in as well. When Stan surfaced, Kyle punched him in the arm.

"What the fuck dude?"

"You're cute when you're angry," Stan smiled, wrapping his arms around Kyle's waist under the water.

"I'm not cute," Kyle frowned indignantly.

"Yes you are," Stan argued with a grin, "You're my cute little boyfriend."

"That's almost as bad as Kenny calling me 'Kibble'."

Stan laughed, "Remember whenever he used to call you that at my place?"

Kyle nodded, "Sparky would come running over because he thought he was getting fed."

They both laughed for a moment before Kyle spoke again.

"I'm sorry I lost my shit with you."

"It's okay," Stan laughed, "You wouldn't be the Kyle I know and love if you didn't have a temper as short as… well, you."

Kyle laughed and Stan a playful swat on the chest.

"Guys!" Kenny shouted, "Your time's up, you can get out now."

"Should I pull Kenny in as well?" Kyle asked.

"Do it," Stan smirked.

Kyle swam over to the pier, "Hey Kenny! Can you help me out? I'm too short!"

Kenny nodded and bent down with a hand out to help the Jew. He didn't notice Stan basically laughing as Kyle pulled himself up. He pulled Kenny in the same way he pulled Stan in.

"Guys!" Kenny was laughing anyway.

"I can't believe you fell for that!" Kyle laughed, "You fucking saw me do it to Stan!"

Kenny shook his head and shouted to Cartman and Butters, "You guys should get in too, I feel like a water fight," To punctuate his statement, he sent a wave of water at Kyle.

Cartman and Butters both got in the water as well and eventually they were all laughing gleefully at Cartman when Butters pulled his legs and scared him or when Kyle used Stan as a meat shield in the water fight and when they each just lay on the grass bank after spending two hours in the water, letting the sun dry their bodies and talking about random crap.

* * *

 **They guy who fucks horses is the one you can find in Stick of Truth. Kyle being called Kibble is explained in the first chapter if it seems weird.**


	5. Chapter 5: Token's Party

**I added some stuff to this chapter to make the world seem bigger than just the boys. The real meat of the added stuff will come soon.**

* * *

Dysfunctional

Chapter 5: Token's Party

"Dude, I told you I'm not taking off my hat!"

This was the typical argument when it came to Kyle, his hat and parties.

"You'll get too hot when you're there," Stan reasoned, "C'mon, I'm not allowed to drink so you're not allowed to wear your hat."

Kyle raised an eyebrow at Stan's logic, "I thought weren't allowed to drink because you might become an alchy again?"

Stan grasped for a response but was clearly clutching at straws, "Fine, you can leave the thing on," His lips turned into a smirk, "But I will get it off tonight."

"Not if I'm drunk you won't." Kyle laughed, "You made that rule."

"Then don't drink."

"Fuck you! I'm definitely drinking at Token's party."

Stan shook his head and grabbed his car keys off his bedside cabinet, "Fine but if you overpower me I cannot be held responsible."

"What do you mean overpower you? You're tall and made of muscle, I'm short and incredibly skinny, I think it's physically impossible for me to overpower you!"

"You're a very horny drunk Kyle, we know you've beaten my defences before. Not that I complained mind you."

Kyle rolled his eyes.

"Besides, we have to get up early tomorrow to catch a flight, I don't want you being all pissy 'cause your head hurts."

* * *

Cartman was one of the first people at the party and was already on his fifth beer, he downed it quickly and went to get his sixth. Just as he was about to crack it open, Kenny took it from him.

"I think that's enough," Kenny said, "You don't want to be paralytic."

"Fuck you Kinny!" Cartman drawled, "I'll drink however much I want!"

"You're trying to drink yourself numb Eric!" Kenny glared straight at him, "Go into the living room and sit on the fucking couch!"

Cartman huffed but did as he was told.

Kenny sighed and cracked the beer open himself, he was dreading Craig's arrival. Craig normally brought a lot of drugs, needless to say, that normally turned things into a riot.

* * *

Stan and Kyle arrived not long after Kenny stole Cartman's beer, as always they were joined at the hip.

"Hey Kenny," Stan said to an anxious Kenny.

"Hey," Kenny said, dully, "Cartman's trying to drink himself numb."

"He shouldn't do that," Kyle said as he made himself a rum and coke.

"Says you," Stan snorted, "You're gonna be awful tomorrow morning."

"Shit, you guys leave for a month tomorrow," Kenny groaned, "I'm stuck with Eric and he's been really down since we got here."

"Keep him from killing himself will ya," Kyle said as he sipped his drink.

Stan's jaw dropped, "Show some sympathy Kyle!"

"What? I don't want to come home and find out my friend is dead."

Stan pinched his nose, "Don't joke about it."

"He did when we had AIDS."

Stan grabbed Kyle's arm and lead him into the living room, "Kenny doesn't need to hear this about his best friend asshole."

"Heya Kenny!"

Kenny turned to see Butters walking happily over to him,

"Hey," He said lamely.

"What's buggin' ya?"

"Eric."

Butters nodded as if it explained everything, "I'll keep an eye on him for you."

Kenny nodded in thanks and went to join everyone in the living room. He took a seat next to Stan and Kyle.

"Bebe looks upset," Kyle noted, nodding at the blonde girl who was crying into a bottle of vodka.

"She broke up with Jason," Kenny explained, "He really didn't take it too well."

"What happened?"

"He made out with Milly and Bebe caught him, so she broke up with him and pissed him off."

"What else did he expect?"

Kenny shrugged, "Don't know, but he was so pissed off that he posted naked pictures of her on the internet. Naturally everyone's calling her a slut or a whore."

"That's weak," Kyle shook his head looking sympathetic.

"It's her own fault for posing for him and letting him take them."

"Not really," Stan argued, "They were going out for a year so she'd have trusted him to not go around showing them off. I have some pictures of Kyle."

Kenny looked at Kyle with a raised eyebrow.

"What?" Kyle shrugged, "I trust Stan to not go around showing everyone. I only did it because I lost a bet."

"And yet you won't let him record a sex tape with you that only you guys would be able to see."

"That's different, the sex we have is for us to see only, even if the other thing is a camera lens. I don't want to share it with anything else."

"You let him take pictures of you."

Kyle closed his eyes and shook his head, "He didn't take pictures of us having sex. The sex we have is intimate and only between us. I don't want anything to get in the way of that."

"Besides," Stan added, "He wasn't completely nude in all of them."

"What if you two break up like Bebe and Jason?" Kenny frowned.

"You think I'd have done it if that was going to happen?" Kyle frowned back, "If we broke up –which won't happen– Stan would be too depressed to do anything other than lie in bed and cry, it isn't in his character to spread that shit anyway."

"You still shouldn't have done it."

"Whatever Kenny," Kyle glared, "It's already happened and I told Stan that I was only doing it once. Drop the fucking subject."

Kenny frowned and held up his hands in defeat.

Kyle gave Stan a quick kiss, "I'm going to go talk to her, she needs someone who isn't going to berate her."

"Okay dude," Stan nodded.

Kyle stood and walked across the room to where Bebe was sitting on her own, she looked up from her feet when she felt the couch dip under the added weight.

"Are you here to call me a whore?" She asked defensively.

Kyle shook his head, "I like to think that I'm not a prick."

Bebe sighed, "Shouldn't you be playing tonsil hockey with your boyfriend?"

Kyle shrugged, "Probably. I just came to tell you that if you need someone to talk to, I'll be glad to listen."

Bebe smiled slightly, "Thanks Kyle."

"I've done the same thing with Stan as you did with Jason. It'd be a bit hypocritical to call you a whore."

"He hasn't posted yours on the internet."

"Doesn't matter, he still has photos of me in his football jersey and nothing else. We were in the same situation, we both trusted the person who took them to not show them. I bet lots of the people our age in relationships have done the same thing."

Bebe nodded, "It just had to happen to me though, didn't it?"

Kyle shrugged again, "You know you could report him for child porn and get him arrested."

"And tell my parents? No thanks."

"Just remember that it's an option."

"Yeah, I will," Bebe smiled fully at him, "Thanks Kyle, I needed a friend."

Kyle smiled back, "I get a lot of mud-slinging myself because of the whole liking dicks thing, the best thing to do is let it bounce off you. Sometimes it's difficult, today I got pissed off at someone who called us fags. It helps that most people understand and accept us, especially after being the thing everyone talked about for three weeks. This whole thing about you will pass as well."

"I hope so."

Kyle lay a hand on her shoulder with a smile, "So no more tears?"

"No more tears."

Kyle gave her a thumbs-up before making his way back to Stan.

"I'm making myself another drink," He told the quarterback.

"Okay then, I'll keep your seat warm," Stan smirked.

"Your lap's always warm."

* * *

The party had been in full swing for two hours when Craig walked in, followed by Clyde and Tweek.

"Where the fuck have you been?" Token asked exasperatedly, "You said that you'd… oh no."

"What?" Craig asked nonchalantly.

"You said that you weren't bringing drugs! You also said that you'd be here before the party started to help me keep an eye on everyone and make sure nothing gets broken!"

"Oh well."

"Fuck you guys, all of you!" He turned to Clyde and Tweek, "Why did you guys let him bring stuff?"

Clyde and Tweek looked at each other, it was probably best not to tell Token that Craig had gone to his dealer in Denver to restock before the party and that Clyde and Tweek had gone with him under the impression that they were getting tacos and coffee as well, which they did.

Token ran his hands through his hair, "Whatever, just keep an eye on everyone you sell to."

As soon as Craig was seen in the tattered black jacket with ripped seams on the inside, everyone knew he was open for business and Craig made a lot of money from it.

This was another reason why Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Cartman and Butters hated Craig, not because of the drugs, although Stan, Kyle and Butters stayed far away from them, but because of how Craig acted after he started dealing, he began to act like a big shot, like he was untouchable and he was uncaring, even towards his best friends.

Kenny smoked weed regularly, but he didn't get it from Craig. Cartman smoked with him.

* * *

"Kyle, I think you've had enough to drink," Stan said slowly so he didn't light the Jew's fiery temper.

Kyle was very drunk, he was also grinding on Stan's crotch, he lifted his green eyes to meet Stan's blues, "No I haven't," He slurred, his words all merging into one.

Stan nodded but caught Kyle's lips, "If we go home, we can take care of that," He whispered, gesturing to Kyle's very obvious erection. He actually wasn't going to take advantage of his drunk boyfriend in such a way.

"Nuh-uh," Kyle shook his head, "Let's stay for a bit longer."

He got up to go and get himself another drink, his drunken stagger hampered by his cock. As much as Stan was telling him to stop drinking, he didn't have the heart to stop him. He just wanted his boyfriend to be happy.

Kyle hit the doorframe and fell flat on his arse, looking bewildered. Stan smiled.

God, he loved that guy.

* * *

"Butters, I've sobered up a bit so I'm making myself another drink, then I'm going to the bathroom," Cartman announced and stood up, not giving Butters any room to argue. Instead of stopping in the kitchen, where he saw Kyle haphazardly pouring himself a Jägerbomb, he walked into the conjoined conservatory and handed Craig a fistful of bills. Craig checked the money and gave Cartman some small bags filled with a white powder as well as a plastic straw from a juice carton. Cartman stuffed them in his pocket and took them to the bathroom. He made a line out of the white powder and positioned the straw pointing down at it and up his nose before inhaling.

"Butters?" Kenny said as he walked over to him with Stan and Kyle in tow, "Where's Eric?"

"He said he was going to the bathroom."

"Kyle needs to go anyway," Stan said, "We'll check on him."

Stan guided Kyle slowly up the stairs. Kyle fell a few times but when they made it up, he leaned against Stan.

"The music is making my head hurt," Kyle whined.

"We'll take you for a piss then we'll go home," Stan smiled.

Kyle nodded and threw the door to the bathroom open. Both of their eyes widened with fright. Cartman was lying face down and surrounded by vomit, his nose was bleeding heavily and he was unconscious.

"Shit!" Stan gasped, "Go and get Kenny!"

The sight seemed to have made Kyle sober up and he sprinted down the stairs. The running made his head hurt and made him feel like he was going to puke, but he powered through and saw Kenny talking with Butters.

"Kyle?" Kenny asked when the redhead came to a stop, "Are you okay? What's wrong?"

"Cartman," The Jew breathed, "He's… sick… blood… oh fuck we're screwed."

Kenny bolted up the stairs with Kyle and Butters following close behind.

"I don't know!" They heard a clearly distressed Stan on the phone, "He's thrown up, his nose is bleeding and _he's not moving_! Just get someone down here to help my friend please!"

"Craig," Kenny growled, he snatched the phone off Stan, "Hello… I think the person in question has suffered a drug overdose, most likely cocaine because of the blood around his nose."

Stan pulled Kyle into his arms and sobbed into his shoulder, Stan always had been the tenderest of them and this was too much for him. Kyle wrapped his arms around Stan and whispered what he hoped weren't lies into his ear.

* * *

As the paramedic loaded Cartman into the ambulance, Kyle turned to Stan and finally let his tears surface.

"I was joking before, but I don't want him to die."


	6. Chapter 6: Hospital

Dysfunctional

Chapter 6: Hospital

As soon as the ambulance arrived, the party descended into a panicked chaos. Everyone was worried about the police and nearly everyone had run away, Craig had been first to slip away and that had opened the floodgates. Stan, Kyle, Kenny and Butters had stayed rooted to the spot, staring at the paramedics trying to keep Cartman alive. They stayed even as the police arrived and started to get information from the paramedics and from Token.

"Excuse me," A police officer tapped Stan's shoulder to get his attention, "Can you shed some light on what happened here?"

Kyle leant against Stan, a silent plea to help him seem less intoxicated, something the situation was doing for him.

"He said he was going to the bathroom and we went to check on him after…" He turned to the other three, "How long was it?"

"Ten minutes," Kenny replied.

"…And we saw him with an extremely bloody nose and surrounded by vomit."

The policeman wrote their statement down, "Do you know where he may have got the drugs?"

"No," Kyle cut in, "Someone must have been selling them but we don't know who."

The policeman nodded, "You should probably go home now boys, it's getting late."

Stan turned and walked to his car as the ambulance left, the others followed him and got in with him.

"He'll be okay," Butters said, as Stan pulled out onto the road.

"We're going to the hospital," Stan announced, "He needs us to be there for him."

Kyle had been quiet and he was holding his hand to his head, "What time is it?"

Kenny checked his watch, "1:30."

Stan looked over to Kyle with concern, "Are you okay?"

"My head's starting to hurt," Kyle replied, "I'll be okay."

"You sure? I can drop you off at home if you like."

"No, I'll be fine."

Stan frowned but let the subject drop.

* * *

Kenny was the first out the car when they got there and the others followed him to the front desk.

"We're here to see Eric Cartman," He said to the woman behind the front desk.

"The doctors are working on him now," The woman replied, "Take a seat and we'll let you know how he's doing."

They all took seats in a row in the back corner of the waiting room.

"Who going to tell his mom?" Kenny asked.

"She'll be distraught," Stan sighed, "I don't want Kyle to do it because his head hurts and she'll probably be crying loudly."

"I'll do it if you guys want me to," Kyle said as he leaned into Stan. Stan wrapped an arm around his shoulders and kissed his forehead.

"I'll do it," Butters said, "I just need his house phone number."

Butters stepped outside to take the call.

"I'm pretty sure Kyle would've been okay to tell her," Kenny smiled at Stan, "He probably would have been better than Butters."

Stan shrugged, "Well I have to sit next to him for an eighteen hour car journey in a few hours and I don't want him complaining about how much his head hurts."

Kyle lay his head on Stan's shoulder, "I'll sleep in the car."

"It isn't important right now," Stan said.

Butters returned after five minutes.

"She was really upset," Butters sighed as he sat down, "She's on her way."

* * *

"Craig!"

Craig ignored the shout from behind him, continuing to walk in a straight line.

"CRAIG!"

Craig growled and span on the spot, "What the fuck do you want Clyde?"

"You don't realise how much shit you're in do you?" Clyde asked, "All it takes is for one person to let something slip and you're done for!"

"I don't care," Craig slipped back into his monotone façade.

"DON'T GIVE ME THAT SHIT!" Clyde bellowed, causing Tweek to flinch, "You act tough, you act like you don't care but I know the truth!"

The look on Craig's face turned into one of horror, "Don't say a word Clyde, I mean it!"

"Why shouldn't I? You clearly need help! Or just to accept who you really are!"

"I'm warning you Clyde!"

"I know that your dad's a homophobe and you're bisexual! You told me who you actually lost your virginity to and you made out with Kevin Stoley on the last day of school!"

Craig punched Clyde in the face, "I warned you asshole!"

"Fuck off Craig," Clyde snarled, "Shove any threat up your fucking cunt! I'm not the one who may already be going to jail!"

Craig was about to punch again but Tweek got in the way.

"Stop it you guys!" Tweek cried, "This is stupid."

"You pay Cartman's mom for sex and make fun of her to his face, you pushed him this far Craig!" Clyde yelled, "You're no better than he used to be!"

"No one asked for your fucking opinion Clyde!" Craig shouted back.

"FINE!" Clyde turned away, "I don't know why you're my friend anyway."

Clyde walked back the way they came without looking back. Craig turned and continued the other way. Tweek stayed rooted to the spot, he couldn't choose between his friends.

* * *

Liane Cartman was almost inconsolable, Stan had been elected to try and calm her down but he was naturally having difficulties.

"I've never seen someone so upset," Kyle whispered to Kenny on their way back from the toilet.

"Can you blame her?" Kenny replied, "Her son might die."

Kyle sat next to Stan and held his throbbing head in his hands, "Fuck, tonight has been messed up."

"It's been two hours," Butters knocked his knuckles together, "You'd have thought they'd have something to tell us."

Stan's phone started ringing, he pulled it out of his pocket to see who it was.

"It's mom," He said, "She'll be so pissed."

"I'll take it," Kyle stood and took the phone, "You stay with Ms. Cartman."

Kyle stepped outside and shivered due to the cold temperature as he put the phone to his ear, "Hello Mrs. Marsh."

"Where are you two?" Sharon growled into the phone, "I've just woken up to check our luggage and you two _still_ aren't home."

"Uh… yeah," Kyle replied, "Something came up."

"Well get home soon."

Sharon hung up and Kyle turned back indoors.

"She wants us home soon," He told Stan as he handed back his phone.

"You boys can go," Liane said, "I appreciate you being here until I got here."

"We'll stay for a bit longer," Stan shook his head, "Cartman's our friend, and we want to hear something from the doctors."

Kyle sat back down next to Stan and lay his head back on his shoulder, his head was really starting to hurt and as much as he really wanted to stay and wait for Cartman, he also wanted to go home and go to bed.


	7. Chapter 7: Drive

**This one has been changed but is also largely the same, we're getting to one of the areas where there will be a few more chapters to better flesh out the event.**

* * *

Dysfunctional

Chapter 7: Drive

When Stan finally got Kyle home it was 3:30 am. Sharon was downstairs doing some last-minute checks and she didn't look pleased to see them.

"Where have you two been?" She glared at them, "You two are supposed to be waking up in an hour."

"Something happened to Cartman," Stan whispered, "We were at the hospital."

"He could die," Kyle mumbled, a hand held to his throbbing head.

Sharon's glare immediately softened, "What happened?"

"Craig happened," Stan spat.

"Kenny thinks Craig sold Cartman coke and then Cartman overdosed," Kyle explained.

"You guys were at a party where there was cocaine?" Sharon asked incredulously.

"We didn't touch any," Stan said hurriedly, "If Craig turns up then there's always going to be some kind of drugs. We keep away from them, tonight was the first time for any of us."

Sharon sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, a habit that Stan had inherited, "Alright. You two try and get some sleep in the next hour, you must be exhausted. Wash your hands before you get into bed."

Stan nodded as Kyle yawned. He pulled the redhead up the stairs and into the bathroom, neither of them brushed their teeth, they just washed their hands and went to bed. They stripped down to their boxers and Kyle lay down, allowing Stan to spoon him.

"I feel like we should be staying," Kyle muttered.

"I know," Stan said into the back of Kyle's neck, "But we can't really ask not to go now, can we?"

"I understand that, it just feels wrong."

"I know, but try and get to sleep, you're in for a bad day tomorrow."

Kyle thought it was the best advice he'd gotten all night and he let his already heavy eyelids fall.

* * *

Stan woke before Kyle did and he couldn't bear to rouse his peaceful lover, who was snoring half into the pillow. He pulled on some pyjamas because he was planning on having a shower and walked downstairs.

"Good morning Stanley," Sharon said as he walked into the kitchen and put four slices of bread in the toaster, "My, we're hungry aren't we?"

"Two of them are for Kyle," Stan said as he grabbed another slice of bread to eat while he waited, "He seemed really shaken by what happened so I'm letting him sleep longer." In actuality, Stan knew that Kyle would be hungover, so he wanted to make things easier for him.

"Your friend Kenny called," Sharon said and Stan leaned forward, "They've said that Eric will live."

"That's good," Stan sighed with relief.

The toast popped up and Stan took it and placed it on a plate before taking it up to his room, Kyle was still dead to world. Stan put the plate on his bedside cabinet and gently shook his boyfriend. Kyle groaned and pulled the covers over his face as he curled into a tight ball.

"C'mon Kyle," Stan said.

"My head hurts," Kyle whined.

"And who told you not to drink?"

"Don't rub it in."

"I'm not, stop being such a pussy."

"Says the one who cried during a heart dissection."

"That was a poor animal's heart."

"And already dead as well."

"I'll go and get you some painkillers," Stan changed the subject to spare his embarrassment, "You eat two slices of the toast I'm leaving on the bedside cabinet and then we'll shower together. If you don't eat any of it I'll force feed you it, you know that as a diabetic and a very hungover person, you need to eat."

Kyle emerged from the cocoon and took one of the toast slices as Stan left, he returned minutes later with some tablets and a glass of water.

"Mom said that Kenny called," Stan said and he sat on the bed and wrapped an arm around Kyle, "Cartman's going to live."

He could feel Kyle's sigh of relief, as he reached for the water.

"Finish eating first," Stan said.

Kyle did as he was told and went to get some clothes to get dressed into before turning back to look at Stan, "You coming or what?"

When they left the bathroom fully dressed ten minutes later, Shelly was smirking at them.

"Kyle," She addressed the Jew, "You may not want to shout about how amazing Stan's big dick is so loud."

* * *

Although Jimbo was Randy's half-brother, he was still on good terms with Sharon, the whole Marsh family, as well as Kyle, Shelly's boyfriend Amir and Ned, piled into Jimbo's SUV. Randy was half-an-hour late, much to the exasperation of everybody else. Jimbo was driving the first six hours, Randy the second and Sharon the third.

Stan had his arm wrapped around his sleeping boyfriend, whose head was resting on his shoulder as he snored. Kyle was going to have an awful time during the eighteen hour car ride when in actuality he should be resting in bed.

"Hey Stan," Jimbo calls from up front, "You've been awfully quiet back there, are you two okay?"

"We're fine," Stan said, "Stuff happened last night."

"I heard."

"Yeah, it was scary."

"I'll bet it was, I can remember my friends getting injured in 'Nam, it isn't easy."

"I'm sure Eric will be okay," Randy tried to offer some encouragement, "He's a tough cookie."

Stan nodded but didn't reply, it wasn't making him feel much better to be honest.

* * *

Kyle was shuffling in his seat uncomfortably.

"What's wrong?" Stan asked, his sapphire eyes filled with concern.

"I knew having sex before leaving was a bad idea," Kyle answered.

Stan unclipped his seatbelt before unclipping Kyle's, he pulled the smaller Jew into his arms and onto his lap, "Better?"

Kyle flushed a bright red and nodded. Stan grinned and pressed a light kiss to his cheek.

"I was talking to my mom last night," Stan said into his ear, "If they start giving you shit, we'll get a train home or something."

"We don't have to," Kyle said, "You warned me about their homophobia and gave me chance to back out, I decided to come with you, so we'll stay for the month."

Stan snuggled his face into Kyle's neck, they were very touchy-feely with each other, some may argue that they were before they started going out.

"You don't have to if they make so you don't want to," Stan said, "That's because if you're not happy, I'm not happy."

Stan pulled Kyle into a kiss, his tongue remained in his mouth but he let all his emotions flood into the connection of lips. When they parted blushes fell across both of their cheeks, they hadn't kissed like that in a long time.

"I'm serious," Stan continued, "People say that because we're sixteen we don't know what we're talking about, but I fucking love you."

Kyle was speechless. Three years and he had never been so sure about their relationship, they had said the three sacred words many times before, but Stan had never meant them as much as he did now.

"I love you too."

And neither had Kyle.

* * *

Kenny and Butters burst into Cartman's hospital room. The tubby teen had IV tubes all across his left arm, he jolted awake and saw the panicked pair.

"When do you get out?" Kenny breathed, looking like he'd run a marathon.

"Two days why?"

"We need to hide, Trent Boyett is released in two weeks."

* * *

Stan handed Kyle his Subway sandwich as they sat down at a table in a service station. They had stopped for a lunch break and Stan and Kyle had locked themselves in a toilet cubicle, spending five minutes in there, kissing before deciding what to get for lunch.

"Did I get your order right?" Stan asked as he took a large bite out of his sandwich.

"Yeah," Kyle nodded, "You know my order better than yours."

Stan smiled at him from over the table and began to play footsie. Kyle raised an eyebrow at him as Stan started to laugh.

"You're making people stare," Kyle deadpanned.

Stan started to laugh harder at Kyle's blank expression.

"If you're trying to flirt like that it's better to not laugh after doing so to be more subtle."

Stan's smile was getting wider with each of Kyle's remarks.

"What?" Kyle asked.

"You're hot when you shoot me down like that," Stan smiled.

Kyle's other eyebrow shot up as well, "What?"

* * *

She'd been jealous of them for a long time, he had always come back to her when she wanted him or couldn't work it out with someone else. He was her safety net and she felt unsafe without it. When he suddenly started to reject her advances she thought she was dreaming, she tried for a long time to get him to like her again whilst going through more boyfriends. This included wearing clothes that showed off her body more and acting more flirtatious, but he still ignored her advances.

She realised that he must have someone else, so she turned her efforts to finding out who this mystery girl was. She was getting sick of it by after two years.

And then it was revealed.

She saw him with his hand in a person's back pocket, snug over the person's backside and the person's hand snug in his back pocket and on his backside. The person had something in common with him that could be seen by looking at them.

Their gender, both male.

She was _not_ going to lose him to a guy, she was going to win him back.

No matter what it took.

* * *

Sharon looked in the rear-view mirror as she drove the last leg of the trip, Stan and Kyle were the only two still awake with their eyes locked on each other, speaking in hushed voices and punctuating every few sentences with kisses. She smiled and tuned her ears to try and listen into their conversation.

"Do you ever regret coming out?" Stan asked.

Kyle kept his attention on Stan's eyes while he thought about an answer.

"I understand if you don't want to answer, I was just curious."

"I don't. If my mom disowned me now then she'd have disowned me anyway, no matter when we came out. I didn't like hiding it, how we'd see other straight couples kissing in public and shit like that, I used to wish that I could do that with you. I want to show you off, I want to show people that I'm in love with Stan Marsh."

Stan didn't reply with words, he put his hands to Kyle's cheeks and pulled him into a passionate kiss, mixing their tongues together and stroking Kyle's cheeks with his thumbs.

"I love you too," Stan whispered against Kyle's lips.

Sharon smiled as they started kissing again, she wasn't all for seeing her son kiss his boyfriend like that, which would be the same as if he was with a girl, she wasn't all for hearing their nightly activities often. But she was happy that her son had someone to cherish like that and she was happy that he had made a good choice.

Most of all, she was happy that Stan was happy.


	8. Chapter 8: Problems

Dysfunctional

Chapter 8: Problems

The girl wanted to make it before visiting hours were over, she wandered through the halls of the detention centre until she saw the tall, boy with spiky blond hair and tattoos on biceps that looked like they were about to burst. He had rings on each of his fingers.

"You'll help me get them when I'm out?" The blond boy asked.

"Yes," the girl replied, "Don't worry Trent, I have a bone to pick with them too."

"Good."

"If you want Stan, make sure you go after Kyle first."

"Why?"

"Stan's sticking it to Kyle and he's so overprotective it isn't even funny."

Trent laughed loudly.

"Cartman and Kenny will follow."

Trent nodded.

The girl gave Trent a slip of paper, "This is my cell phone number, I'll call you when you get out."

The girl turned to walk away.

"What's your name?"

"Wendy."

* * *

"Dude, do you have everything?" Kenny shouted from the upper floor to the now out of hospital Cartman.

"Yeah!"

"Hey fellas, how long are we going to be there?" Butters asked.

"As long as we need to," Cartman answered, "It sure was lucky I could still access Jimbo's bomb shelter."

Kenny nodded.

"What do we do if we're still in there and Stan and Kyle get back?" Butters knocked his knuckles together.

"We tell them to get there as soon as they can."

* * *

"Dude, I think this is it."

"What?"

"The street corner I went jackin' it on."

Kyle shook his head and laughed as Stan began to dance on the street corner, "C'mon Stan, we have to get to your family's place."

"I sent them an email telling them I was bringing my boyfriend, but they might refer to you as my 'piece of ass'."

Kyle shrugged, "You do always tell me that I have a nice ass."

Stan smiled, "It was crafted by gods."

"I have a nice ass and you have a magnificent penis."

"And testicle hair."

Kyle gave Stan and odd look, "Why did you look up the translated lyrics to that song?"

"Because Let's Fighting Love is awesome!"

Kyle gave Stan a blank look with a raised eyebrow. Stan laughed and gave his backside a squeeze, making Kyle yelp. Stan laughed even harder at the high-pitched noise that left his boyfriend's mouth and the sudden loss of composure.

"Dude, you sounded like you were going through puberty again!"

Kyle flushed a deep scarlet, "I wasn't that bad going through puberty was I?"

Stan nodded and the red over Kyle's cheeks began to hide the freckles that resided there. Stan wrapped his arms around Kyle and kissed the tip of his nose, "It clearly wasn't bad enough that I had to stay away from you. It was worst when we started dating, right around the time your freckles began to show up."

"I hate my freckles," Kyle frowned, "They make me a true ginger."

"I love 'em," Stan smiled.

"Cartman's always making fun of them."

"And I love trying to count them."

Kyle sighed and shook his head as Randy yelled at them to hurry up and was subsequently yelled at by Sharon for, ironically, being too loud.

* * *

Kenny sighed as he smoked his usual joint, weed inside a cigarette. Only Cartman would ever join him for a smoke, Butters would get grounded, Kyle never wanted to go near the things and Stan never left Kyle's side. Kenny smirked, Kyle didn't realise how whipped he had Stan. Then again, they had always been inseparable.

The door opened behind him and Cartman stepped out.

"Can I…?" Cartman trailed off but he gestured to the joint.

Kenny handed the joint to Cartman who inhaled too much and began to heavily cough.

Kenny watched him for a while before asking, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Cartman spluttered, his eyes going bloodshot.

Kenny raised an eyebrow at him as he continued to cough, Butters stepped outside and saw Cartman retching with a joint between his fingers, he lunged and knocked the joint into the snow on the ground.

"Kenny!" Butters shouted, "What the heck?"

"We all need to unwind," Kenny replied, "We're too tense."

"Eric has just come home from the hospital after overdosing on cocaine!"

"And I'm making sure he doesn't kill himself."

"He shouldn't be doing drugs!"

"Cartman will be fine Butters," Kenny's voice shifted to a sterner tone, "He won't overdose on weed, I won't let him. Besides, he's a big boy, he can take care of himself."

Butters huffed and folded his arms.

"I have a client to meet," Kenny sighed, "I'll come back and help with preparations later."

The immortal turned on his heel and walked through the house, leaving Cartman and Butters in silence. Cartman turned to walk back inside.

"Hey Butters?"

Butters turned to look at Cartman.

"Thanks for caring."

The corners of Butters' lips turned skyward and he followed hot on Cartman's heels.

* * *

"Dude, chill," Stan said, his hands drifting to Kyle's tense shoulders, his thumbs began to dig in around his shoulder blades, "Everything will be fine."

"How well do you know these guys Stan?" Kyle glanced up at him.

"I met them once when I was five and once when I was seven."

"So you hardly know them."

"Mom said they were excited to meet you, but to watch out for my Uncle Garrett and his son Brandon. They're the ones who will voice their opinions, whilst everyone else might not agree with our relationship, they won't tell us and they'll accept us."

Kyle nodded, he was suddenly feeling very nervous.

"If they give us shit, we'll send them to the Death Camp of Tolerance."

Kyle laughed, "Maybe we should send my mom there too."

Stan smiled as they walked into the extended Marshes' driveway, he wrapped and arm around Kyle's waist and kissed his cheek as the door opened. A man who had brown hair answered the door.

"Sharon!" The man shouted and brought her in for a hug, when they parted he nodded at Randy and Jimbo, he then turned to Shelly, "How's my favourite niece?"

"Fine," Shelly replied.

"And this is Amir?" The man asked, gesturing to Shelly's boyfriend. Amir nodded in response.

"Hey there Stanley," The man grinned and he clapped the teen on the back.

"Hey Uncle Garrett," Stan replied.

"And this is your piece of ass?" Garrett asked, gesturing to Kyle.

Kyle flushed a dark red and Stan looked at him as if to say ' _I told you so_ '.

"This is Kyle," Stan said, completely calm, "My Boyfriend."

Kyle nodded in confirmation, suddenly unable to find his words.

"Okay then," Garrett clapped his hands together, "Let's show you all where you're sleeping."

* * *

Stan nudged the drawer closed with his hip, "It was nice of them to give us a double bed."

"How rich are these guys," Kyle asked as he lay on the bed, "They have a mansion with a pool out back and God knows how many rooms in this place."

"They paid for all of us to go to the water park this week."

"Really?"

"Yeah, and the tickets are quite expensive."

"Your Uncle Garrett didn't seem too bad."

Stan sighed, "He's not going to insult his nephew in front of his sister is he?"

Kyle nodded, that was a good point.

"You still tired?" Stan asked as he lay down next to the redhead.

Kyle yawned, he'd completely forgotten about being tired.

Stan smiled, "I'll take that as a yes. Does your head still hurt?"

Kyle shook his head and looked to be falling asleep, Stan moved to take his and boyfriend's shoes off and lay behind Kyle, spooning him.

"Get some sleep dude," Stan whispered, but Kyle didn't hear him, he was already in dreamland.

* * *

Kenny stepped over the threshold to the Cartman house and saw the tubby teenager lounging on the couch.

"Are we finished for today?" Kenny asked as he plonked down next to Cartman.

"Yeah," Cartman replied, "It's too stressful, you're an expert in stress relief aren't you?"

Kenny didn't reply but his eyes widened.

"Are you?"

Kenny nodded, "What happened to not wanting to be a fag?"

"I want you to suck, no homo."

Kenny couldn't help but think that Cartman needed serious help as he knelt down in front of the couch.

* * *

" _Get out! You're no son of mine!"_

" _Well maybe I don't want a bitch as my mom anyway!"_

Kyle's eyes shot open and he saw Stan's blue eyes in front of him.

"Dude, you wouldn't stay still," Stan said as he moved a hand onto Kyle's cheek, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Kyle rubbed his eyes as he sat up, "Just a bad dream."

He didn't mention that it was the same bad dream he'd been having for two months.

Stan nodded, "Dinner's gonna be ready in five minutes, you've been asleep for two hours."

"It's midnight," Kyle frowned.

"Yeah, well a lot of people had to drive down and didn't eat too well."

Stan kissed Kyle on the lips and then left, leaving to Kyle to go and wash his hands.

* * *

Kyle went to put his dirty dishes in the kitchen after eating. He felt someone tap his shoulder and saw Garrett with a boy around Kyle's age. Kyle assumed that this must be Brandon because of their similar looks.

"We need to talk to you faggot," Garrett hissed, his jovial demeanour from before now gone.

Kyle refused to let any fear show, "Okay."

"You've corrupted Stanley, we don't take kindly to that," Brandon sneered.

Kyle laughed, "Corrupted? Stan's with me by choice. I'm not forcing him."

Garrett forced out his chest and took a step closer to Kyle, towering over him, "Don't laugh when you're in a more dangerous situation. We hate faggots and if you don't break up with Stanley, we'll make your life hell. Stan plays football, he can't be gay."

"I'm not breaking up with him, I have no reason to. I can suffer a month with you two if I can live in South Park for sixteen years. If you think that he can't be gay because he plays football, not only are you incredibly closed-minded, but also incredibly stupid."

Garrett brought his hand back and bunched it into a fist, Kyle braced himself for impact.

"What's going on?"

Kyle opened his eyes and saw Stan leaning on the doorframe.

"Nothing!" Garrett smiled, "We were just getting to know…"

"Kyle."

"…Kyle here. As your boyfriend he obviously plays an important part in your life."

Stan nodded, "C'mon Kyle, you've got to take your insulin."

Kyle made a move to follow him out, he took a look back and Garrett drew his finger across his throat.


	9. Chapter 9: Prejudice

Dysfunctional

Chapter 9: Prejudice

Stan had woken up early and had got up to get some breakfast, he left Kyle in bed, drooling on the pillow. He went downstairs to get some breakfast and saw that most of the other family members were awake and eating breakfast.

"We made our own breakfast," Shelly told him from next to Amir.

"Cool," Stan replied as he walked into the kitchen, hunting for bread to make toast with.

He eventually found Pop-Tarts after ten minutes and put one in the toaster, as he waited he looked out of the kitchen window, losing himself in his own thoughts until he felt a pair of arms wrap around his waist from behind and a face bury itself between his shoulder blades. He turned in the hug and wrapped his arms around his half-asleep and therefore, extra cuddly boyfriend. Kyle looked up at him, showing a clear slobber mark on his cheek before nuzzling into Stan's chest.

"G'mornin'," Kyle mumbled sleepily, his voice muffled by Stan.

"Morning," Stan replied, much more awake than Kyle.

"Why didn't you wake me?"

Stan smiled, he felt like being a wind-up, "Because you looked so adorable."

"Fuck you," Kyle whined, lacking any venom. He wasn't awake enough.

"When you nuzzled my back before," Stan chuckled, "I knew it was you because of your Jewish nose."

"Fuck you," Again, no venom. Kyle's nose wasn't actually that big despite being Jewish, Stan, Kenny and Cartman just said it was to joke around.

Stan dipped his head to give Kyle a peck on the lips, "I will later."

Kyle just hummed in agreement and he buried his face back in Stan's chest.

* * *

Shelly could see Brandon glaring through the door of the kitchen at her brother and his boyfriend being affectionate. She got up and stood next to him.

"What's wrong?" She asked, trying to sound jovial.

"I don't understand how you live with that," Brandon replied, "It's so sickeningly wrong."

"I'm not home much because of college, but when I am home, I don't care. He's happy, that's all that should matter."

"Whatever, Gingy over there needs to learn when he isn't wanted."

"You're not going to do anything to them," Shelly growled, "You may not like it, but they are together and Stan isn't going to break up with Kyle anytime soon. A lot of people here don't agree with their relationship but they still accept them because they're happy. If I hear about you doing _anything_ to break them apart, I'll rip your dick off and shove it up your ass. Got that?"

Brandon gulped as he looked at her with horror, he nodded slowly.

"Good," Shelly smirked.

* * *

Stan's mood had dropped since the morning, he was now acting pretty glum.

"Are you okay?" Kyle asked, looking up from his 3DS.

"Fine," Stan replied, not taking his eyes of the spot on the wall he'd been staring at for at least half an hour.

"Did you take your meds today?"

"Yes."

Kyle sighed, "I know when you're lying Stan, so don't even try it."

Stan huffed.

"Why didn't you take them?"

"I don't need them," Stan replied, trying to be as nonchalant as possible.

Kyle closed his 3DS and shuffled over so that he was right next to Stan and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, "Even if you don't need them, you should still take them if you've got them prescribed to you. You wouldn't still have the prescription for no reason."

Stan bit his lip and sighed, he turned to look at Kyle before turning his head back away, "It's just so demeaning, like they think I can't be happy with these fucking pills."

"I know it's hard at times," Kyle's tone was soft, "But you know that you can't just not take them."

Stan went to his suitcase and pulled out a small orange tube, he turned it in his fingers as he sat back next to Kyle, "I just feel weak whenever I have to pop one of these."

"That's understandable," Kyle conceded, "But you're not weak, you were forced to suffer through one of the ugliest divorces I've ever seen and you came out the other side."

Stan winced at the memory.

"I've never seen you as depressed as you were then. Not when you first got dumped by Wendy, not when you were diagnosed with cynicism. You still fought through it though."

Stan opened the bottle and dropped a pill to his palm, he stared down at it, "I want to try and use them as little as I can," He admitted, "I hate them, I feel like after three years I shouldn't need them. But I do, I can feel it."

Stan swallowed the pill and grimaced afterwards.

"One day you won't need them," Kyle said, "And I'll help you so that it's one day soon."

Stan nodded, "How?"

"You'll take them less often," Kyle explained, "It'll be a gradual decrease. Right now you take two pill per day, so we'll make that one and a half per day and we'll go from there."

Stan nodded again, "When do we start?"

"Soon."

* * *

Kyle glared at his reflection as he brushed his teeth later that night. He was disgusted, so disgusted that he growled through the toothpaste. He was disgusted at the medical system for such a huge oversight and he was disgusted at himself for not realising sooner.

As the use of the word 'disgusted' four times in three sentences indicates, Kyle was pretty fucking disgusted.

Stan's dip in mood when he didn't take his meds wasn't depression.

It was withdrawal.

Stan had been taking his meds every day for three years, giving his body a subconscious dependence on them. Otherwise known as an addiction.

Kyle growled again as he spat the toothpaste into the sink. How had he missed it? It felt like a failure and he knew that he had to redeem himself.

* * *

"I'm going to Ruby's."

Kenny nodded at his sister, he had taken her out of the house when their parents and brother had started fighting each other again, "Be safe."

"You too."

Kenny chose to go to Cartman's to pass the time, they were just playing videogames, now adequately prepared for hiding away in two weeks' time.

"Family troubles?" Cartman asked after a long while.

Kenny nodded, "Kevin stole my dad's meth and he wasn't too happy about that."

"That is weak," Cartman decided.

"He paid this month's bills by selling it, we're going to be cold next month."

"Once again, weak."

Kenny fist-pumped as Marth knocked out Wario on-screen.

"I know why you'll be coming round here more often then," Cartman said.

Kenny smirked, "What makes you think I'll come here?"

"Do you really want to stay at Stan's with how much he and Kyle fuck each other?"

"Obviously, that's fucking hot!"

"Will they let you?"

"Good point."

"And you wouldn't be allowed to stay at Butters' place."

"Fair point, where is he?"

Cartman looked at Kenny like he was retarded, "Where do you think?"

"Grounded?"

"Correctamundo."

Cartman groaned when Marth knocked Wario out again.

Kenny jumped when his phone went off, he checked it to see who had texted him, it was Karen.

 _Can you come pick me up? I'm going home and I don't know if they're still fighting._

Kenny sent her a quick text back before looking to Cartman, "I've got to go pick up my sister."

"If you need to come back, don't bother knocking," Cartman replied.

* * *

His family wasn't fighting when he got back home with his sister, they both went to Kenny's room.

"When will everything be right?" Karen asked, she was upset and was clutching to Kenny's arm.

"When we've both left for college," Kenny frowned.

The window in Kenny's room faced out to the road in front of the house and his eyebrows furrowed when three black Jeeps pulled up by the pavement.

"What's going on?" Karen asked.

Kenny shushed her, expecting to see men in suits but instead saw men in tattered jackets and ripped jeans. They didn't knock, they just barged in. Kenny went to his door and opened it slightly, peeking out.

The men were attacking his dad, holding him against the wall by the scruff of his neck.

"You said you'd have our money!" The man holding him growled.

"I just need a bit more time," Stuart pleaded, "A week, that's it."

"NO! You've had three!"

Kenny leapt into action, undoing the latch on his window and ushering Karen out quickly before jumping out himself.

"What's going on?" Karen asked, now completely terrified.

"Dad paid for our bills with money from loan sharks," Kenny explained angrily, "C'mon, we're going to Cartman's and I'm not letting you out of my sight tonight."

Karen nodded, after that, she was inclined to agree.

* * *

"Dude," Cartman said after having the situation explained to him, "That is fucking weak."

"Yeah tell me about it, anyway…"

"Can you crash here tonight?"

Kenny nodded sheepishly.

"Yeah sure."

* * *

The loan sharks had gotten their arses handed to them on a silver platter by the cloaked stranger.

"Next time, you leave that family alone," The stranger gravelled out, "Or you face Mysterion again."


	10. Chapter 10: A Confrontation

**A reviewer for the last chapter said it was upsetting, I'm glad it was because Dysfunctional isn't supposed to be sunshine and roses.**

* * *

Dysfunctional

Chapter 10: A Confrontation with a Homophobe

Kyle wanted out.

Brandon had left him alone for whatever reason, he didn't know what caused him to change his mind. Garrett however…

 _Garrett._ The mention of his name made Kyle clench his fists in fury.

Garrett had taken any possible moment to bump into the Jew when he was on his own and lay into him with homophobic slur after homophobic slur. He was the only one who did it and he never said a word in front of Stan. Stan had said that a lot of his family was homophobic, but an old lady (Kyle wasn't sure what relation she was to Stan) had come up to them and said that they were 'a cute couple'. Kyle wasn't a fan of that description, but he appreciated the sentiment.

He hadn't told Stan about Garrett, but he had a feeling that Stan suspected that something was going on, the quarterback was very perceptive like that.

Kyle had decided to sit in the corner of the back garden under a tree while most other people were in the pool that was in the centre, he was doing his best to avoid another confrontation because he wasn't sure how long he could hold his volatile temper in, soon he was going to unleash a Broflovski Right Hook, a name feared throughout South Park.

He saw Garrett was on the barbeque, maybe he'd mash his face into it instead.

"Are you alright?"

Kyle looked up and saw Stan walking over to him with a towel of his shoulders, water running down his body.

"I'm fine," Kyle replied dismissively.

"You haven't come out from under this tree yet," Stan frowned, "Are you sure there's nothing wrong?"

"I burn really easy," Kyle shrugged.

Stan nodded as he sat next to Kyle, who picked up a book he had beside him and opened it to his bookmark.

"Water Park's tomorrow isn't it?" Kyle asked and his eyes moved across the words on the page in front of him.

"Yeah," Stan answered, "You had lunch yet?"

"Not yet."

"I'll get you a burger," Stan said as he stood up.

"Ketchup not mustard," Kyle called as Stan walked off.

"Because mustard makes your puke want to puke," Stan finished for him, Kyle laughed and Stan flashed him a grin.

Stan had returned less than five minutes later and even though he wasn't completely dry, Kyle had allowed him to wrap his arm around the Jew and pull him close. Kyle didn't miss the brief glare he got from Garrett and he also noticed the brief glare Brandon got from Shelly when he looked over to his father.

Kyle grinned, he'd thank her for that later.

* * *

Cartman hated his reputation more than anything. People still knew him for what he used to be, not what he was now.

If Kyle could forgive him after everything Cartman put him through (especially the crap with the Ginger Cow) then so could everyone else.

Cartman smiled as he remembered what Kyle had said after they had actually been friends for a while, ' _Everyone deserves a second chance, we'll ignore that you've already had at least a thousand_ '.

Cartman had been the one to make him laugh at his mother's disowning of him, by singing a certain song that the Jew never usually found funny.

Cartman was actually kinder to people who weren't his friends. He knew the guys could take some fooling around and return it with something else, the only difference between how he used to be and how he was around his friends now was that his insults weren't intended to be malicious.

He could admit that he had a habit of taking his jokes too far at times, such as when he got Kyle far too drunk during their Mario Party drinking game, but he had apologised the next day. Kyle had claimed that his head hurt too much to be pissed off.

"Hey Eric!" Cartman turned to see that he was by the South Park Mall and Butters had called out to him.

"Hey Butters," Cartman held up a hand in greeting, "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to buy the new Hello Kitty game for my Xbox, do you want to come with me?"

Cartman would have thrown an insult if he was six years younger, but he just nodded and walked with him, "You seen Kenny?"

"I can't say that I have."

* * *

Kenny was getting his arse pounded by a man who was unhappy with his wife in the back seat of said man's car. He didn't care how this made him look, he needed to get money for himself and his sister. He tried to hold in a cringe when he felt the warmth flood his rectum, he had no idea how Stan and Kyle could actually enjoy it. He probably wouldn't have a problem if he wasn't going it for money, making it inherently worse to begin with.

As much as he would sleep around with anything that had the right anatomy (and was human) doing it for money made him feel filthy and he never told Karen about it. He wouldn't have told his friends if Stan hadn't passed by a car he was getting fucked in while he was walking Sparky. Stan had waited for him to finish and looked distraught when Kenny got out. Kenny had begged him not to tell the guys but Stan did anyway. The four of them had originally tried to get him to stop but gave up eventually, Kenny made a lot of money that he desperately needed.

Kenny was always distant for the rest of the day afterwards and today was no exception, he pulled out his phone and scrolled through the contacts, looking for someone to make him feel wanted for at least a little while with.

Red? That'd do.

* * *

"You haven't taken my warnings seriously," Garrett growled.

Kyle had stepped onto the patio for some fresh air and he turned to the door, the calm look on his face being replaced with a frown, "I have no reason to, I'm here for just over three more weeks and then I'll probably never see you again."

Kyle turned back to look at the garden and Garrett strode over, roughly turning Kyle to face him, Kyle raised a questioning eyebrow.

"I don't fucking care," Garrett hissed, "You need to break up with him now or life is going to get a lot harder for you."

Kyle took a step back to get out of Garrett's grip, "I'm not doing that, if you think I will then you need to stop snorting whatever you're snorting."

"You think we can't hear you at night time," Garrett snarled, "Those quiet noises and the pleas for more? It makes me sick."

"Maybe you're hearing Shelly and Amir," Kyle growled, "Because I _scream_. I make it known that I've got Stan's huge cock up my ass and I'm proud of it."

Not necessarily true, if Stan was being rough then Kyle might well be loud, but most of the time, Stan was gentle and loving and whilst Kyle did let out a loud moan every now and then, they were usually quiet moans with the occasional whisper to Stan's ear. He just said that to piss off Garrett.

It seemed to have worked too well, Garrett turned away and doubled over, before letting an acidic splatter fall from his mouth and to the ground.

"Pathetic," Kyle huffed as he turned to walk back inside.


	11. Chapter 11: Faggots at my Waterpark

**We're only about halfway done, if that. This rewrite has gotten incredible reception so far and is easily the most popular story on my profile. If any of you would like to see a oneshot about the Marshes' divorce in the oneshot series, be sure to let me know.**

* * *

Dysfunctional

Chapter 11: Too Many Faggots at my Waterpark

Kyle woke up early the next morning, early meaning 5:30. Far too early for a Sunday. Stan was snoring loudly next to him, they hadn't gotten to sleep until late for obvious reasons. Kyle lay still, watching the clock on the wall as the second hand slowly ticked its way round the face. He lay like that for half an hour until Stan woke up himself and kissed his ear.

"Should we do what we always do on a Sunday morning?" Stan asked.

Kyle nodded but Stan was already reaching behind himself for the lube that was o the bedside cabinet. On Sunday mornings they always had what they had come to know as a 'lazy fuck', the only movements would be the reaching for the lube, the actual lubrication, small twitches of the hips of whoever was topping and the stroking of the bottom's cock. Stan lazily sucked on Kyle's neck as he twitched his hip and stroked Kyle's cock. Kyle moaned softly as he shot his load into the bedsheets, his orgasm caused him to clench around his boyfriend's dick and in response, Stan filled his boyfriend's arse. They didn't move afterwards, so Stan's cock stayed lodged in Kyle's backside.

They stayed completely still until 6:45, when they heard people going downstairs. Stan got up, drawing a whine from Kyle at the sudden emptiness in his arse.

Stan chuckled, "C'mon Kyle, let's get a shower before everyone else wants one."

Kyle sighed, but begrudgingly forced himself out of the bed.

* * *

Kenny opened the door to find a tearful Cartman standing with his hands stuffed into his pockets. He sighed and pulled the tubby teenager into the house and to his bedroom.

"What's wrong?" Kenny asked after a moment of silence.

"My mom had a client last night," Cartman sniffed, "I got up for a midnight snack and…"

Kenny raised an eyebrow as Cartman trailed off, "And…" He coaxed.

"It was Craig fucking Tucker!" Cartman's eyes were suddenly full of rage.

Kenny wearily wiped a hand down his face, "I thought he already did that."

"He's going to tear me apart when we go back to school. I thought he just said it to piss me off."

Kenny didn't say a word he just let Cartman vent.

Cartman continued, "Kyle would probably laugh at me, he'll say it's karma for all the shit I gave him."

Kenny shook his head, "Kyle acknowledges that you're trying to be a better person, he wouldn't let Craig get away with it. Neither will I, you've got me and Butters, we'll help you deal with it. Stan would be too much of a pussy to laugh at you."

* * *

"Are you going to come in the water at all?" Stan asked his boyfriend as they lay towels on sunbeds that were situated next to each other.

"Maybe later," Kyle replied shortly as he took a book out of their bag.

"Why not? There's a strict 'no peeing in the water rule'."

"It isn't that," Kyle sighed.

"What is it then?"

Kyle looked around as if someone was going to catch him doing something he shouldn't and he lifted the hem of his white T-shirt above his abdomen, showing the scar over Cartman's kidney and the other scar on the left side of his abdomen for when ManBearPig attacked him and killed him briefly. Stan nodded in understanding, Kyle had always been self-conscious about them.

Stan pulled his T-shirt over his head and Kyle looked down at his chequered green swim shorts to make sure his semi wasn't showing.

"Some of the children want me to go and play with them so I'll go and do that, but I'll come and cuddle with you later."

Kyle smiled and grabbed the sun-lotion out of their bag, "Do you want me to do your back?"

Stan took the bottle from him, "Factor 50," He read, "Sorry dude, I don't want to use your special ginger formula."

Kyle grinned and swatted him over the head as he grabbed the bottle, squirting a large dollop into his hand and rubbing it over Stan's back, "You didn't bring your own, so you have to use mine."

Stan sighed in mock annoyance, "Fine then, I'll just reflect the sun like a giant mirror."

Kyle wiped his hands on a towel, "You can do the rest," He lifted his ushanka and wiped his brow before reaching for his book.

"What are you reading?" Stan asked as he rubbed lotion on his arms.

"Game of Thrones."

"We already watch the TV show."

"Different people die."

"Really? That's cool."

* * *

"Kenny?" Cartman asked, "Can you get the blankets from under my bed? It might be cold in the bomb shelter."

Kenny nodded and bounded up the stairs and into Cartman's room, he lay on the floor and reached under bed, finding a soft material, he pulled it out and saw that it was the aforementioned blankets, there was a Tupperware box on top of them, he opened the box and found a blood-encrusted razor. Kenny's eyes widened.

"Hey Kenny can you…" Cartman's face fell as he opened the door.

"What the _fuck?_ "

"Kenny…I…" Cartman scrambled for something to say, but came up short.

"Take your shirt off," Kenny's voice was devoid of any emotion.

"What?"

"Take your fucking shirt off!" Kenny's tone hardened into Mysterion's gravel.

Cartman cast his eyes to the floor and pulled his jacket and T-shirt over his head. Kenny gasped at the sight of scars all over the tubby teenager's body. He threw the blankets at Cartman and pulled his phone out of his pocket.

* * *

 _Kenī-chan kawaii purinsesu_

Kyle pulled Stan's phone out of the bag and answered it, he knew who the ringtones were for.

"Hey Kenny," Kyle said, putting his bookmark inside the book he was reading.

"Cartman's been self-harming."

Kyle jolted into an upright position, "He _what?_ "

"I found a razor blade under his bed." Kenny sighed, running a hand over his face, "He has scars all over his body."

Kyle opened and closed his mouth like a fish, absolutely speechless.

"Are you there?"

"Yeah, I'm here." Kyle said, "I can't believe it."

"We need to get him help dude."

"I know. He's needed help ever since we were young."

Stan looked over to Kyle from in the water, Kyle looked downcast. He climbed out the water and walked over as the Jew hung up the phone.

"What's wrong Kyle?" Stan asked worriedly as he dried himself off.

"Cartman's been self-harming."

Stan stopped and stared at him, mouth agape.

"I reacted like that too."

Stan bit the inside of his cheek, "I think we need to go home, we can't leave Kenny with him for a month.

"I should have asked Kenny if there were any fresh cuts."

"I'll ask mom to get us train tickets when we get back. In the meantime, you're coming in the water with me."

Stan pulled Kyle's T-shirt off him and got the bottle of sun-lotion out of the bag. Kyle reached for his shirt, but Stan kicked it to the bottom of the sunbed and sat on his lap, preventing him from moving.

"Stan! Give my shirt back, I'm not going in!" Kyle yelled, writhing underneath the taller teen.

"You said you would," Stan whined.

"No, I said I might. Now get off me you fat shit!"

"Kyle, people are starting to stare," Stan smiled as he rubbed the sun-lotion over Kyle's chest.

"Then get the fu…"

Stan shut Kyle by up pressing their lips together as his hands moved to the redhead's shoulders to rub the lotion in. Kyle initially tried to pull away, feeling pretty pissed off, but Stan was stronger than him and held him in place. When Stan slipped his tongue into Kyle's mouth, Kyle melted into the kiss, his anger evaporating as their tongues tangled. Stan pulled away eventually and Kyle's cheeks flushed a dark red, his eyes darted down.

Stan chuckled, "Why are you so embarrassed, we've had sex before."

"We don't have sex in public," Kyle mumbled, he was completely fine with showing affection in public, Stan was just in a compromising position

"Will you come in the water and on some of the slides with me?" Stan asked, "I'll let you top when we get back."

Stan definitely preferred to top whenever they got their freak on, but he didn't mind bottoming. Kyle preferred to bottom, but he liked to top as well.

"Fine," Kyle said as Stan leaned down to kiss his cheek, "But can we just sit for a bit afterwards?"

"Definitely," Stan smiled as he squeezed some more lotion into his palm, "Now turn round so I can do your back."

* * *

"Kenny! What the fuck?"

Kenny was speed-walking down the street to Stark's Pond with Cartman in tow and the Tupperware box under his arm. When he reached Stark's he opened the box and pulled out the razor. He hurled the razor into the centre of the pond, where it bobbed for a second before sinking.

"What the fuck Kenny?" Cartman yelled.

Kenny whirled around, "I'm not letting you kill yourself!"

"I'm fine Kenny!"

" _FINE?_ " Kenny screeched, "If you're so fine, then why did you overdose on coke when drugs are for hippies? Why do you slit yourself like an emo?"

Cartman was knocked speechless by Kenny's outburst, he looked away from Kenny and didn't reply, "It's just stress relief."

"STRESS RELIEF? FUCKING STRESS RELIEF?" Kenny was about to continue when his phone rang in his pocket, "Hello?"

Cartman stared at Kenny as he spoke to whoever was calling him, Kenny went pale and he looked worriedly at Cartman when the call ended.

"What?" Cartman asked.

"Trent Boyett's getting out earlier."

"How much earlier?"

"Two days from today."

* * *

"Mom works fast," Stan said as he opened the drawer by the bedside.

"When's the ride?" Kyle asked as he lay on the bed.

"Tomorrow morning."

Kyle got up and grabbed the empty suitcases from under the bed and started putting his clothes in one of them, Stan put his clothes in the other.

"Garrett's taking us to the train station tomorrow," Stan said, as he stuffed his clothes into the case.

"Cool," Kyle replied, meticulously organising his clothes so they'd all fit, "What time?"

"We'll leave at about six."

"So we'll turn in early tonight then," Kyle said, "No staying up until three in the morning fucking each other's brains out."

"We've done that once," Stan laughed, "We usually only stay up until one."

"What are we going to do about Cartman when we get home?" Kyle asked, his expression darkening.

"I dunno," Stan said, shrugging his shoulders, "I guess we just need to show him that we're there for him."

"Yeah, 'cause that worked _so_ well before."

"I don't see you with any better ideas."

Kyle looked away, Stan did have a point.

"Look," Stan said as he wrapped his arms around Kyle, "We don't know how serious this actually is. Kenny might have been exaggerating."

"I doubt it."

"I do too."

* * *

Sergeant Yates was one of the laziest cops known to man, he only ever paid attention when it came to advice on how to operate when it came from a certain vigilante, one that was perched on his windowsill without him noticing until he turned around to get more coffee.

"Mysterion!" Yates cried, "What are you doing here?"

"Trent Boyett is being released in two days," Mysterion replied in his usual rasp, "I have reason to believe that he will go after the witnesses to his last crime."

"Who are these witnesses?"

"Kenneth McCormick, Eric Cartman, Leopold Stotch, Stanley Marsh and Kyle Broflovski."

"What do you want us to do about it?"

"Put them under some protection."

"If you can't prove that Boyett is going to go after them, I'm not wasting my officers."

"But they'll be in grave danger!"

"I don't care!" Yates yelled as he turned away from the window, "I don't think that Boyett will risk coming back here again."

When he turned back, Mysterion was gone.

* * *

Stan started to make his way to the kitchen to put his plate away, Kyle had already gone to put his plate away and Garrett had followed him. He was about to walk through the door when he heard voices.

"Whatever," He immediately placed as Kyle's disinterested tone.

"Don't take that tone with me you freak!" Garrett sounded pissed, "You've blatantly ignored me all week!"

"And you expect anything else?" Kyle asked incredulously, "You've gotta be kidding me. One, stop harassing me. Two, I'm not a freak."

"You're a freak because you like dick and I'll stop harassing you when you break up with Stanley and stop corrupting him!"

Stan picked this moment to enter, but Kyle and Garrett were too invested into their argument to notice. He cleared his throat and two pairs of eyes shot to him as he leant on the doorframe.

"Howdy," Stan waved sarcastically.

"Uh… hey Stanley," Garrett stood like a deer caught in headlights, "How much did you hear?"

"Enough to know that you're trying to get my boyfriend to break up with me," Stan deadpanned, "Even there's absolutely no chance of that happening and even though you lied to my face and said that as long as I'm happy, you're happy."

Kyle smirked at Garrett as if to say ' _I told you so_ '.

"And enough to tell me that my own boyfriend didn't trust me enough to tell me when this shit is going on."

Kyle's smirk immediately fell and he shuffled his feet guiltily.

Stan put his plate in the sink and walked out, they could hear his footsteps up the stairs.

Kyle looked over to Garrett before darting out and following Stan's path.

* * *

Kenny burst into the Cartman house at noon as Cartman and his mother were eating lunch.

"Stan and Kyle are coming home really early," Kenny panted, looking like he'd just run a marathon, "They get here tomorrow. We have to warn them."

* * *

"Stan!" Kyle burst into the room they were sharing and saw Stan on his 3DS, "Stan, I'm sorry."

Stan completely ignored him and Kyle sighed, sitting next to him and nudging him to try and get a response.

Stan was an expert at making people who had hurt him feel worse about themselves and he was deploying one of the techniques he had perfected, the Silent Treatment. Kyle had been given this treatment three times and it always got him more than if Stan laid into him about how he'd been hurt, Stan would completely unresponsive to anything Kyle did, speech, physical contact, everything.

Stan got up and got ready for bed, it was only 8:30, but they were getting up early the next morning and they had spent most nights up late. Kyle followed suit and frowned when Stan rolled over so that his back was to him. Kyle spooned up behind him and kissed his cheek.

"I love you," Kyle whispered. He didn't notice Stan hunch his shoulders slightly.


	12. Chapter 12: Enter Trent Boyett

**The Divorce is the most recent oneshot in the collection. After reading a recent review I have decided that what has been finished of Functional because it isn't complete yet will also be getting a rewrite once Dysfunctional is completed, the oneshots will be fine as they are.**

* * *

Dysfunctional

Chapter 12: Enter Trent Boyett

Stan hadn't acknowledged Kyle's existence at all since they woke up. They had gotten to the train station at 6:30 but the train didn't leave until two hours later. They had to get there early because the rest of the family had plans for the day.

"How many times do I have to say I'm sorry?" Kyle asked.

Stan shrugged

Kyle was heartened by the fact that Stan had responded, "What do I have to do to get you to act like you normally do with me?"

Stan stood, "C'mon, we'll have this conversation in the bathroom. We'll have more privacy."

* * *

Stan whistled cheerily as he unlocked the door to the house and stepped over the threshold with Kyle following suit.

"I can't believe we had sex in a train station bathroom," Stan laughed as Kyle closed the door.

"It was your idea," Kyle shook his head, he hadn't been on board with the idea, but Stan brought out the puppy eyes and said that Kyle needed to make it up to him for not telling him about Garrett, Kyle couldn't say no. He had made sure to top though.

"I know, it was fucking awesome."

Kyle raised an eyebrow as Stan chuckled to himself.

"Get it? _Fucking_ awesome? It's funny because you had your cock up my ass."

Kyle shook his head again, "Tee hee."

Stan was about to say more when he heard a loud pounding on the door. They opened it to find Kenny, Cartman and Butters.

"Oh hey guys," Stan smiled, moving out the way so that they could come in.

"Grab their suitcases," Kenny ordered, "Take them to the bomb shelter."

"Bomb shelter?" Kyle asked, seeming slightly pissed off, "What the fuck is going on?"

"Trent Boyett's back tomorrow!"

Butters screamed.

Kenny sighed, "So we're camping out at Jimbo's bomb shelter."

"Good plan," Stan said, "He won't find us there, remember when Cartman locked Butters in there?"

The other four nodded.

* * *

"I don't care how horny you two are," Cartman said, "If you're going to kiss, stop moaning."

"It isn't easy to do that asshole," Kyle replied.

"If you're going to make noises that turn people on," Kenny said, "At least tell us about your sex life, you're so secretive."

"I wonder why," Stan deadpanned

"You know that we won't judge you," Butters said, "Kenny tells us about his and I told you about that time with Red."

"That's different," Kyle frowned, "Our sex is different to yours."

"No different to doing anal with a girl," Cartman shrugged, "At least I don't think it is."

"You guys know that we won't judge you," Kenny said, "We won't think less of you if you like to bottom."

"We switch," Stan said, he was completely at ease with his sexuality and didn't care what people thought. Kyle was the same, there were just things he liked to stay secret.

"Who tops more often?" Kenny asked, very happy at this new information.

"Me," Stan smiled, "Kyle loves my dick."

Kyle blushed and buried his face in his hands, "You didn't have to tell them that."

"Why not?" Stan chuckled as he nuzzled Kyle's neck, "I love your ass."

Kyle groaned in embarrassment and Stan pulled him onto his lap with a laugh.

"Why are you so embarrassed?" Cartman shook his head, "One of you has to bottom and you'd expect it to be the brainiac rather than the football player."

"It's more the idea of spreading details about our sex life," Kyle explained, "And telling people that I love Stan's dick, they don't need to know that."

"Anyone would love Stan's dick," Butters snorted, "We measured them again sometime last year, he has the biggest dick in our grade."

"Nine inches," Kenny whistled, "I think people gained a lot of respect for you, taking that up the ass."

"At least Stan knows that he has to stretch me out," Kyle shook his head, feeling like he needed to get back at Stan for revealing details, "He didn't for our first few times and it hurt like a motherfucker."

"You say it like it was deliberate," Stan scowled.

"I looked online to find out how to stop it hurting."

"You still enjoyed the sex!"

"I never said I didn't!"

"Fellas," Butters said, they both turned to look at him, "Can you guys not fight about this? I don't want it to be like the Sonic vs Mario argument."

"Stan was just wrong that time," Kyle waved dismissively, "Sonic's better."

Stan rolled his eyes, "Whatever, we're not going to fight about sex."

Kyle nodded in agreement.

"Good," Cartman sighed in relief, "That would have been awkward."

* * *

"I need to go and get more insulin," Kyle had said on the second night.

"But, Trent Boyett will be out there," Stan replied, his eyes filled with worry.

"I need to get more food," Cartman piped up, "I'll go with him."

Their trip to Stan's and Cartman's houses had been fine, they were passing by City Wok when they heard a voice from an alleyway.

"Hello," Was all the voice said, but Kyle and Cartman knew exactly who it was as they turned to see a boy who was taller than Cartman, had huge bulging biceps covered in tattoos, rings on each finger and wild blond hair, "Nice to see you again."

Kyle and Cartman glanced at each other as Trent advanced on them.

"I'm going to make this hurt," Trent sneered, "You're going to die in agony."

Kyle turned to Cartman, "You go and get help, I'll decoy."

Cartman nodded, knowing that Kyle had the best chance in a fight out of the two of them.

"If I die, tell Stan that I love him," Kyle said as he shooed Cartman away.

That taken care of, Kyle turned to face Trent, refusing to let any fear show on his face.

"Brave of you Broflovski," Trent laughed, "But your friends are going to be one light."

"Bring it asshole."

Trent chuckled before lunging, "Let's tango."

* * *

 _Your butt is wide, well mine is too_

 _Just watch your mouth or I'll sit on you_

Stan answered quickly, "Cartman?"

"Stan!" Cartman sounded terrified, "Kyle's taking on Trent by City Wok, you need to get own here and call the police!"

"FUCK!" Stan yelled as he leapt to his feet and sprinted to the ladder leading out of the bomb shelter, "Call the police while I'm my way."

"Stan, you have to get here. We can't let the kike die on us, it won't be the same."

"He won't die. I won't let him."

* * *

Kyle dodged out of the way of Trent's lunge. He dodged a second and a third lunge before retaliating, lashing out with his infamous right hook to Trent's jaw. Trent cried out and fell to the ground.

Kyle's short stature and slim build did well to disguise how dangerous he really was, he was definitely one of the toughest in their school. No one wanted to take a punch from Kyle Broflovski.

Kyle's triumph was short-lived because he saw Trent lunging at him in the corner of his eye. He should have known to not let his guard down, he was losing his disaprin.

Trent's fist connected with the side of his face and sent him sprawling across the alley, landing next to a nearby dumpster, he rolled out of the way of Trent's next attack, straightening his ushanka as he did so. Kyle lashed with a two-footed kick that caught Trent in the gut, giving him time to stand and regain his distance.

"You don't actually thing you can take me out this easy," Trent snickered, "Do you?"

"I was hoping not," Kyle replied, "Then I'd look like a retard for being scared."

Kyle dodged as Trent lunged again, this was too easy.

Or so he thought.

Trent thrust an arm out as Kyle dodged, knocking him off balance. Trent followed up with a one-two punch combo to his face and gut.

"LEAVE THE KIKE ALONE!"

Kyle looked to see Cartman lung at Trent only to be tossed aside like he was made of Styrofoam. Kyle used this distraction to catch Trent in the side of the jaw. Trent kept his balance and used his next hit to send Kyle flying into Cartman. Cartman was knocked out by the impact, but Kyle stood, pain shooting through his right shoulder.

"Up for more?" Trent laughed, "I didn't think you guys were this stupid."

"I won't back down to assholes who won't let go of the past."

"I will kill the fatass, then I'll kill the whore, then I'll kill the pussy, then I'll kill the ass-ramming jock and force you to watch it all and let you walk free, so you'll be alone, driven insane."

Threatening his friends was bad enough, but when he threatened Stan, something snapped inside Kyle. The Jersey Boi inside him reared its ugly head and he cried out as he rushed at Trent, launching an onslaught of punches and kicks at the ex-convict as he saw red. Trent seized the moment when he let his guard down and swept his leg. He grabbed the redhead by his feet as swung him into the side of the dumpster, Kyle struck his head on the corner of it and was pinned up against the wall.

He was barely conscious when Trent pressed a switchblade to his throat.


	13. Chapter 13: Exposition Dump

Dysfunctional

Chapter 13: Exposition Dump

If one was to see what was going on, they might think that Kyle was resigned to his fate, when in fact he had no idea what was happening.

"Vengeance is mine, sayeth the lord!" Trent shouted to the heavens.

As he was about to swipe the blade across Kyle's throat, he was struck in the side of the head, sending the knife flying away from the Jew. When he hit the floor, it was clear that the back of his head was bleeding heavily.

"Over my dead body," Stan snarled, his fists bunching and his eyes showing unbridled rage.

Trent laughed, "Just like Wendy said."

Stan nostrils flared as _she_ was mentioned. Kenny and Butters followed him into the alley, Butters rushed to Cartman and Kenny rushed to Kyle, leaving Stan to stare down Trent.

"I'll fucking slaughter you and paint the town with your entrails," Stan growled.

Trent rushed at Stan, who caught his fist and threw him back, his anger turning him into an unstoppable force of brute strength. Stan rushed over to Trent and punched once, throwing all his weight and momentum into the strike, the punch hit him right in the nose, shattering it in a shower of blood. Trent was sent sprawling across the alley and Stan followed up with a boot to the temple, knocking him out cold.

"You fuck with him, you fuck with me!"

He immediately dashed over to Kyle, where Kenny was calling the emergency services whilst holding his parka to the back of Kyle's head, the orange slowly becoming red. Stan wrapped his arms around the groaning redhead.

He rode with Kyle in the ambulance, his hand gently gripping the Jew's as the paramedics tried to stop the bleeding. His stomach lurched and his heart leapt into his mouth when Kyle stopped responding to what was going on around him, finally slipping into unconsciousness.

* * *

" _Wendy broke up with me today," Thirteen-year-old Stan said one day when he was round at Kyle's._

" _Why?" Kyle asked, annoyed at this constant cycle of Stan and Wendy breaking up and getting back together, "And why aren't you crying like a bitch like usual?"_

" _She tried to kiss me and I pussied out," Stan sighed, "I wasn't even going to throw up! It just didn't feel right so I don't really care about breaking up with her."_

 _Kyle laughed, "Queer."_

 _Stan glared at Kyle, "You've never even had a girlfriend! You can't call me a queer!"_

" _I can, because if a girl tried to kiss me I wouldn't pussy out," Kyle grinned._

" _Fuck you."_

 _They sat in silence for a while until Stan spoke up again._

" _Have you ever thought about having a relationship with a guy?"_

 _Kyle raised an eyebrow, "And you say you're not a queer?"_

" _I'm serious dude, I'm kinda curious."_

 _Kyle frowned, "I've never really thought about it to be honest."_

" _Why don't we experiment then?"_

 _Kyle's jaw dropped, "Dude…"_

" _Just an experiment," Stan hastily explained, "We don't have to tell anyone. If it doesn't work we can just go back to being Super Best Friends."_

" _Okay."_

 _Silence again._

" _So are we boyfriends now?" Kyle asked hesitantly._

" _I guess so."_

* * *

" _Are you sure you don't want me to come with you?" Stan asked, now fifteen. It was dark out, getting on ten o'clock._

" _Yeah," Kyle sighed, "I want to have a boyfriend to come back to."_

" _If anything happens, tell me," Stan frowned, his face laced with concern._

" _Wish me luck?" Kyle leaned up on his toes to give Stan a peck on the lips._

" _Definitely."_

 _Kyle walked up the path and opened the door to his house, he stood for a moment outside, collecting himself before stepping over the threshold. Gerald was sitting on the couch, and he turned his head to see who entered._

" _Hello Kyle," Gerald smiled, his smile immediately fell when he saw his son's nervous look, "Is something wrong?"_

" _No," Kyle let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, "Can you get Mom and Ike down? I need to tell you something."_

 _Gerald nodded and two minutes later the entire Broflovski family was situated in the living room, Kyle standing in front of the TV and the other three on the couch._

" _So what did you need to tell us?" Gerald coaxed gently._

" _I don't know how you'll react," Kyle said, his eyes fixed on his shoes, "This has been going on for a while, but I didn't know how to tell you."_

" _Okay," Gerald nodded. The previously apathetic Ike lay his phone down on the arm of the couch, his interest piqued._

 _Kyle took a deep breath and released it, "I'm gay."_

 _Ike's eyebrows raised and Gerald's concerned expression faded into one of understanding._

 _Kyle continued, "I'm in a relationship with Stan."_

" _What, what, WHAT!"_

 _Kyle's eyes shot up to see his mother's eyes fill with tears and her hand cover her mouth._

" _How long has this been going on Kyle?" Gerald asked._

" _Two years," Kyle sighed, his cheeks going red, "It originally started as an experiment but now we really like each other and…"_

 _Gerald filled in when Kyle trailed off, "It's okay Kyle, it doesn't matter."_

 _Sheila wrapped her arms around Kyle, "It's okay bubbeh, we'll get this sorted."_

 _Kyle pulled out of her grip, "What do you mean 'get it sorted'?"_

" _Get you out of this phase."_

" _I was afraid of this," Kyle frowned, "I don't want to 'get this sorted'. I like being with Stan."_

" _Kyle! How can you say such things? What about your faith?"_

" _I knew you'd pull that card," Kyle huffed, "I did some research and Jews are trying to integrate homosexuals into their culture."_

" _Kyle, this isn't right!" Sheila yelled, her patience wearing thin, "You should marry a Jewish girl!"_

" _I don't want to!" Kyle had clearly inherited his temper from his mother, "Why can't you understand this?"_

" _Sheila calm down!" Gerald tried to step in, "This is Kyle's choice, not ours!"_

" _Get out." Sheila growled, ignoring her husband._

" _What?" Kyle asked, completely stunned._

" _GET OUT!" Sheila screamed, "YOU'RE NO SON OF MINE!"_

 _Kyle's anger returned with a vengeance, "WELL MAYBE I DON'T WANT A BITCH AS MY MOM ANYWAY!"_

 _Kyle's head jerked to the side and a collective gasp rose from Gerald and Ike. Kyle lifted his hand to the side of his face in shock, gingerly touching the burning handprint._

" _You lied to me this whole time," Kyle said blandly, his anger dissipating, "Whenever you told me that you'd always be proud of me, even though I'm not a prodigy like Ike, whenever you told me that my happiness always came first and whenever you said that you'd always worry about me because you loved me. It was all a lie."_

 _At this point Ike stood between them as faced his adoptive mother, "Well done," He said sarcastically, "You've just become a disgrace."_

 _Kyle forced himself to walk up to his room as his eyes filled with tears and filled two suitcases with all his possessions, it took him three hours. Gerald walked into his room with Ike, looking dishevelled whilst Ike looked scared._

" _Kyle, please rethink this," Gerald pleaded._

 _Kyle sighed and gave his father a hug, "I'm sorry, but I can't stay with_ her. _This is who I am, I can't change that."_

 _Ike looked up at him, "Where will you go Kyle?"_

" _I've got money, I might rent a room at a motel. I've got a job so I can keep it up."_

 _Gerald sighed, "As much as I want you to stay, I don't think it's safe for you here."_

" _I know."_

" _Stay safe Kyle, please."_

" _I will Dad."_

 _Kyle gave his father and his brother one last hug each before carrying his cases down the stairs and out the door. When he stepped out into the pouring rain, he was filled with fear and an overwhelming sorrow. Tears streamed down his face and blurred his vision as he made the short walk next door._

* * *

 _Stan had needed to take a piss during the night, so he was the first to hear the pounding on the door. He opened it to find his crying boyfriend on the doorstep with two suitcases, he pulled Kyle into a tight hug as his mother showed up at the top of the stairs._

" _What happened Kyle?" Stan whispered into his soaking-wet ushanka._

" _I…I told them Stan," Kyle sobbed, clutching Stan's pyjama top, "Dad and Ike accepted us. Mom, however…"_

" _She didn't," Stan said, pulling Kyle in tighter._

" _She disowned me Stan," Kyle said into Stan's chest as Sharon came down the stairs, listening to everything, "I was going to go rent a motel room, but I needed to see you."_

" _Rent a motel room my ass!" Stan said, "You're staying with me, I don't care what anyone says."_

 _Stan pulled Kyle into a kiss, using his thumbs to wipe away the Jew's tears._

" _Stanley, were you going to ask me?" Sharon said as her son pulled away from his boyfriend._

" _Yes," Stan answered, "But Kyle's my boyfriend, he has been for two years. I can't just turn him away. Besides, I don't think that being a cashier at Tweek Bros. is going to support a motel room."_

 _Sharon scratched the side of her head, "I was never going to say no. With Shelley at college we can afford to have him stay here."_

 _Kyle's raised his head from Stan's chest, his emerald eyes filled with hope, "Th…Thank you Mrs. Marsh."_

" _I'm just doing what any good-spirited human being would do. Stanley, he's going to have to go in your room for tonight, your father's in the guest room."_

 _Stan smiled, "He wasn't going to go anywhere else."_

 _Stan had got Kyle a towel from the bathroom and had pulled him into a hug. He'd never seen Kyle like this, helpless, vulnerable._

 _It honestly scared him._

 _Kyle just sobbed into Stan's chest and the quarterback just rubbed his back soothingly, he was usually good at consoling people but he had no idea what to say. If he couldn't console his boyfriend he could at least be a shoulder to cry on._

* * *

 _The next weekend was worse for Kyle, if that was even possible. Sheila led her usual Saturday morning protest (sometimes it felt like it was that frequent) and this time, it was obvious what she was protesting against._

 _Homosexuality._

 _Stan and Kyle were walking Sparky when they came across two large crowds just across from each other, one crowd held up signs with slogans berating homosexuality whilst the other held up signs supporting homosexuality._

" _The primal function of any organism on this planet is to pass on their genetic material and reproduce," Sheila shouted from in front of the town hall, "Anything that is attracted to another of the same organism that cannot give them children because they are the same gender is a genetic failure!"_

 _The 'against' crowd cheered and made sure that Sheila knew their agreement._

 _Kyle felt his temper bubbling and he pushed through the crowds to the podium where Sheila was and bent the microphone so that he could speak into it._

" _Maybe gays are 'genetic failures'," Kyle stated, "But if it's their genetics, how can they help it? If it's their genetics then they shouldn't be shunned, that's like shunning black people or Jewish people, they can't help that and people who shun them get more hate. You can't claim racism is a problem and then oppose gay people because racism and homophobia are fundamentally the same thing, hating someone who is different!"_

 _Kyle got an enormous cheer from the 'for' crowd as he stepped down from the steps and pushed back through the crowd and over to his boyfriend._

" _Let's go," Kyle said, "I don't want to see this anymore."_

 _It was one of the rare times Sheila's protests failed._

* * *

Kyle's eyes worked their way open to see a white ceiling. The room was dark and he could hear snoring beside him. He turned his throbbing head slowly to the side because it felt heavy and because his shoulder ached, he saw Stan with his arms folded on the bed and his head on top of them, his hand was gently grasping Kyle's and he was drooling in his sleep. Kyle debated waking him up, but decided against it. He turned his head so it was facing the ceiling again and tried to remember what had happened before, there was definitely something about Trent Boyett, he'd run into him with Cartman.

He found himself getting tired, so he relaxed and felt himself drift off.

Stan woke a few hours later was relieved to hear Kyle actually snoring, at the same time he felt bad, he wanted to be awake when Kyle woke up.

Second time lucky then.

Stan slouched in the chair he was occupying and ran a hand over his face, keeping his other interlocked with Kyle's. He sighed heavily and cast his eyes to the ceiling, he was exhausted and he wanted to go to bed. He wouldn't dare leave Kyle though.

He brought his eyes back to the Jew when he heard him stir, his head was wrapped in bandages that bunched up his Jew-fro. Kyle's eyes opened and he slowly sat up, turning his head to look at Stan.

"Thank God," Stan smiled as he pulled Kyle into a hug.

"What happened?" Kyle asked, "Why am I in the hospital?"

"You fought Trent Boyett and ended up smashing your head on the corner of a dumpster."

"Oh," Was all Kyle could say.

"You'll have a headache for a few days and you twisted your shoulder, nothing too serious."

Kyle nodded.

"They said you could go home when you woke up," Stan stood up, "C'mon."

Kyle sluggishly got his feet out from under the covers on the bed. Stan quickly bent down and got Kyle's snow boots and ushanka, he put Kyle's boots on his feet for him and placed his ushanka on his head. Kyle stood and swayed, Stan grabbed his arms and kept him upright.

"Do you want me to get a nurse to help you?" Stan asked gently.

Kyle shook his head and took a shaky step. He walk was more like a stagger and his head swam with every step. Stan followed close behind him, ready to catch him in case he fell. Kenny had come up to the hospital with Stan's car despite the fact he didn't have a licence. The walk from the hospital room to the car should have taken no more than five minutes, but it hurt Kyle's head if he went any faster than a snail's pace. When he eventually got to the passenger seat he was panting heavily. Stan got in the driver's seat and kissed his temple.

"You did great," He smiled.

"Did _well_ ," Kyle corrected, a smile on his lips.

Stan drove back to his house in silence, Kenny had also dropped their suitcases off at Stan's when he went to get the car. Stan got out and opened Kyle's door for him, scooping him into his arms and carrying him to bed, stripping them both down to their boxers and spooning him.

"Just rest Kyle," Stan murmured into his boyfriend's Jew-fro, his hand tangled in the red curls having taken the ushanka off, "You've had a tough week."

Kyle pressed himself back into Stan's chest, making a content noise and closing his eyes.

"No one'll hurt you while I'm around."


	14. Chapter 14: Two Days Later

Dysfunctional

Chapter 14: Two Days Later

"What are you doing here Wendy?" Bebe frowned as she opened the door.

"I need help," Wendy started, "So I thought I'd ask my best friend for help."

"Best friend?" Bebe asked, "You turned all of my friends against me by calling me an attention-seeking slut!"

Wendy looked her up and down, "Your attire isn't doing you any favours."

Bebe was wearing a baggy shirt and short shorts, "That's because I'm going to bed!"

"Please Bebe," Wendy begged, "I really need your help!"

"What for?"

Bebe slammed the door in her face after hearing what Wendy wanted to do.

* * *

Kyle's eyes fluttered sleepily open to see Stan with a tray that had two breakfasts on it, Kyle gave him a quizzical glance.

"You can't seriously be telling me that you don't remember what today is," Stan smiled.

Kyle racked his sleepy, now generally recovered brain, his mouth formed an 'o' with realisation.

"Three years today since we got together," Kyle's lips turned skyward.

Stan hummed and nodded, setting the tray on the bed, "So I have prepared breakfast in bed just for you… and me because I didn't want your breakfast to get cold so I…"

Kyle cut him off with a kiss on the lips, they always wanted to do something special on their year anniversaries, the first year they succeeded, but only by accident. They had their first time. The second year Kyle was sick, so Stan spent the day with him.

"Do you have any plans today?" Kyle asked as he bit into some toast.

"I do," Stan grinned, "But it's a surprise."

Kyle nodded, a smile forming on his lips.

"But one thing I can tell you," Stan said as he leaned close, "Is that today is just for me and you."

Kyle felt his heart flutter as Stan kissed him gently on the lips.

* * *

They left Stan's house at noon to go to Shakey's for lunch, after a good pizza (what pizza isn't good?) Stan was driving Kyle to their next destination. He had spent a lot of time thinking about what to do for their anniversary, any of his original plans had been halted because of Kyle injuries from the fight with Trent Boyett and Stan had forgotten to make reservations because he was acting as a caretaker.

He parked his car and opened Kyle's door for him, leading him down a dirt path.

"I don't know whether you'll understand at first, but I did a lot of research while you slept yesterday."

Kyle looked up to see a large sign detailing where they were going.

"Colorado Nature Reserve?"

"Yeah," Stan nodded, a giddy grin on his face, "You'll love it."

Kyle shrugged and allowed Stan to pull him to a cabin close by.

"You here to see the animals?" A ranger asked.

"A certain animal," Stan nodded, "I called yesterday."

"Oh, Stan Marsh right?"

Stan nodded again.

"My name's Leon," The ranger smiled, "I'll take you out now," He pointed to Kyle, "Is he coming with you?"

"Yes, I think he'll like this."

Leon led them to a jeep and got into the driver's seat whilst Stan and Kyle got in the back, Stan was silent but his smile was growing by the second. The came past a large gathering of trees.

"Over here we have an animal unique to this reserve," Leon said.

Kyle looked out of the window to see an elephant of all things.

"Seem familiar?" Stan whispered into his ear.

Kyle's eyes widened in realisation for the second time of the day, he looked at Stan and smiled, "That's Horny?"

Kyle had named the elephant he got when he was eight 'Horny', because he thought the tusks were horns and he didn't know any better.

"The very same," Stan laughed, "We can go and see him, you know."

Kyle was already opening the door to the jeep and running over to Horny, he stopped and whistled when he was close to the elephant. Horny turned to look at him before picking the Jew up with his trunk, Kyle wasn't worried, Horny used to do this with people he liked.

"I'm glad you're doing okay," Kyle spoke as if the elephant could understand him, "I never wanted to give you up."

Horny raised his trunk and sat Kyle on his back.

"You used to do this a lot."

Stan had strolled over by this point and he laughed at the sight of Kyle atop his elephant, "Enjoying yourself?"

"Definitely! How did you find him?"

"Not a lot of places have an elephant called Horny!"

They had to leave the reserve to continue with Stan's plans and Kyle had promised to go and see Horny again.

* * *

Afterwards Stan had taken Kyle to the arcade, stating that there was no better way to bond with someone than over video games. Kyle hadn't actually minded, it reminded him of their Friday night gaming marathons, when they would wake up late on Saturday with controllers in their hands and leant against each other after falling asleep at three in the morning or later. Stan didn't want to think about how much money they had spent and when they had literally no money left, they went home and curled up on the couch with a movie. Kyle lay huddled under Stan's arm and into his side, savouring the quiet understanding.

It was he who spoke, "Today was amazing."

Stan smiled, "I'm sorry it wasn't romantic or anything."

"It didn't have to be, I'll repay you later."

Stan looked at Kyle quizzically.

"If you know what I mean."

Stan broke into a grin. Oh he knew what Kyle meant.

* * *

"Stan! We have to get to school!"

Stan's eyes jolted open when he was whipped with a towel, Kyle had a toothbrush in his mouth and was clad in only a pair of green boxers and his ushanka. Stan forced himself to sit up and ran a hand wearily through his hair. His eyes were half-lidded and bleary, he yawned loudly and smiled when Kyle followed suit. He noticed Kyle's slight limp as he walked over to the chest of drawers to pull out his usual green pants and orangey-yellow polo shirt. Stan got up to get some clothes before he got in the shower.

"Dude," Kyle said, "You're limping."

Stan pulled a red V-necked T-shirt with blue sleeves out of his dresser, "I'm not surprised, we were pretty wild last night."

Stan smirked when he saw the blush creep onto Kyle's face.

When they got to school, Stan told Kyle that he had something he needed to do. He was looking for someone, it didn't take him long to find them. He marched right up them and turned them round to look at him.

"What the _fuck_ is wrong with you?" Stan growled.

Wendy Testaburger looked up at him with an innocent grin, "What are you talking about Stan?"

Stan huffed when she began to bat her eyelashes, "Why did Trent Boyett mention _your_ name?"

Wendy smirked, "I got him to target you guys, we made a deal that he would kill you guys, but he would spare you so you'd come running back to me."

"You know that won't happen, I love Kyle."

"Then enjoy your time with him while it lasts."

Stan frowned, "What are you talking about? Kyle wouldn't break up with me."

"Today he will, then you won't have a choice but to come back to me."

* * *

Stan wasn't expecting Kenny to drag him into the janitor's closet at break and push him against a wall, a murderous glint in his eye.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Kenny snarled.

Stan was alarmed, "What? Kenny this isn't funny?"

"You can't be out there, you're public enemy number one!"

Stan was dumbfounded, "I'm what?"

"Everyone thinks that you cheated on Kyle last night with Wendy."

Stan's breath hitched, "Kenny, I was with Kyle all day yesterday, I don't think I spent a moment away from him. It was our anniversary!"

"I know!" His tone softened, "Happy Anniversary by the way."

"Thanks! The only time I could have been away from him was when I was making breakfast, I swear I didn't cheat on him. Wendy must've made it up, you know she wants me to get back together with her."

Kenny's demeanour shifted back to 'pissed off' when saw the fear in the blue eyes that looked at him and he let Stan back on his feet, "Why the hell am I taking my anger out on you?"

"It's okay dude, I would have reacted the same way."

"You had better speak to Kyle though, the rumour will have spread to him by now."

* * *

Kyle needed to stop by his locker at break, he closed it after getting the books he needed and jumped when he saw Red standing next to him looking apologetic.

"We're sorry about what happened last night," Red said softly, patting him gently on the shoulder.

"Wha…"

"I hope Stan comes to his senses soon."

"What are you talking about," Kyle asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Stan cheated on you with Wendy last night," Red explained, she took out her phone and showed Kyle an image of a man and a woman after having sex, Stan's and Wendy's face were clearly photoshopped onto the image over the man's and the woman's faces.

Kyle was able to clearly see this, what with his expertise with computers but he held the act for the Red, "Thank you for showing me this Red," He sighed, making his bottom lip tremble as if he was going to cry, "I'll sort this with Stan."

Red hugged him and muttered an 'I'm sorry' into his ear before leaving. He watched them round a corner before turning on his heel to head to his next class.

"KYLE!"

Kyle looked over his shoulder to see Stan sprinting his way, Kyle grinned as Stan grabbed him in a tight hug, looking like he might cry.

"Kyle," Stan spoke quickly, "I swear I didn't cheat on you last night, Wendy's making it up so she can get back with me."

"I know."

"Please believe me, I didn't… wait what?"

Kyle smiled, looking smug, "Yesterday was our anniversary, you did have sex, but it was with me."

Stan looked at him blankly for a second, "Oh thank Christ," He sighed in relief, "Thank you for not falling into these rumours."

"I'm not stupid Stan, you know that by now."

Stan grinned and nodded, placing a kiss on his forehead.

"Besides, if you cheat on me, you know I'll kick your ass."

* * *

Stan and Kyle met with Cartman and Kenny at lunch. Cartman looked glum, Kenny refused to meet Stan's eyes.

When they left they met Craig's gang and Craig couldn't resist digging at them.

"Look it's the whore's son, the man-slut and the fags," Craig jeered.

"Shut the fuck up Craig," Kyle scowled, always the first to retaliate if Cartman didn't, "Why don't you go and fuck your guinea pig?"

Craig squared up to Kyle, who didn't flinch, "Don't bring Stripes into this."

"Then don't bring Cartman's mom into this either."

"Not my fault she's a no-good slut who lets me shit on her," Craig smirked.

His smirk was wiped off his face in a shower of blood.


	15. Chapter 15: Management

Dysfunctional

Chapter 15: Management

Craig crumpled and Stan lunged, the quarterback grabbed his boyfriend before he threw another punch, Kyle struggled but Stan kept a tight grip. Kyle barely reached Craig's shoulder in terms of height, so he needed to jump as well as uppercut.

"Get off Stan!" Kyle growled, his eyes trained on Craig, "This asshole deserves what's coming to him!"

"Maybe so Kyle," Stan reasoned, "But if you beat the shit out of him you can kiss valedictorian goodbye."

Kyle refused to stop, "I already have with this."

Stan tightened his grip on Kyle's wrist and wrapped an arm around his waist to keep him in place, valedictorian had meant everything to Kyle, hearing him dismiss it so easily shocked Stan, but proved to him that he shouldn't let go. Instead he started to drag Kyle away from the scene.

He took him into the janitor's closet Kenny had taken him to earlier, letting go of his wrist and standing in front of the door, preventing an escape.

"Chill," Stan ordered, "What the fuck was that?"

"I'm not just going to let that fucker talk about my friends like that!" Kyle shouted, trying to open the door behind Stan.

"You're staying here until you chill out, you've always had a short fuse but lately someone sneezing will set you off. Is something wrong?"

"I'm fine," Kyle snapped.

Stan held his hands up, "Sorry for caring."

Kyle was about to retort when a voice could be heard over the PA system.

" _Kyle Broflovski to the principal's office._ "

* * *

Kyle hadn't been in any of his afternoon lessons and Stan had been waiting by his car for half an hour when his irritable boyfriend finally emerged from the doors. Kyle got into the car in silence, he leant his head against the window and sighed… or huffed, Stan couldn't really tell. He decided not to bother him, starting the car in silence.

"You were right," Kyle said after a while.

"About what?" Stan asked.

"About me not getting valedictorian," Kyle answered, "The principal told me I'm not getting it, I've been suspended for a week."

"I'm sorry dude," Stan said, reaching over to put a hand on his knee, "I know that meant a lot to you."

"I'm being forced to take anger management," Kyle groaned, "I don't need it."

Stan chose not to respond.

"Oh my God," Kyle turned to look at him, accusation lining his words, "You think I do need it."

"You're jumping to conclusions."

"They why didn't you say anything? You think I'm fucking crazy!"

Stan pulled over and turned to glare at Kyle, "Kyle stop it. I never said that."

"You may as well have!"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Stan screamed, "This kind of shit is why you're going to anger management. I didn't say a thing and you're getting pissed off. You broke Craig's nose, which, while admittedly awesome, wasn't needed. You never normally have this short a temper, something is clearly wrong and I don't want to hear you complain about not getting valedictorian or going to anger management until you tell what the fuck it is!"

Kyle just stared blankly at Stan, completely dumbstruck. Stan huffed and restarted the car, driving in silence.

"Something is bothering me," Kyle said after a while, his voice quiet.

"You know I'm here for you dude," Stan said, resting his hand back on Kyle's knee and he pulled into the Marshes' driveway.

"I know," Kyle sounded like he was about to cry, "But you can't help me with this one."

Stan was hurt, but he didn't let it show, "I can try."

"Stan," Kyle whimpered, tears leaking from his eyes, "I want my mom."

Stan pulled Kyle into a hug and let him sob into his chest, "She'll come around."

"It's been a _year_ Stan!" Kyle moaned, "She's probably forgotten about me."

"I don't think so," Stan said, even though he wasn't quite sure what he felt, "I think she's just stubborn, you get that from her."

"Should I go and talk to her?" Kyle asked, looking up at Stan as if he knew everything.

"I don't know, you could try. If you make an effort maybe she will too."

"Will you come with me?"

"Of course."

* * *

So later that evening that was what they did, Kyle just looked at his shoes for the entirety of the short walk. He hesitantly reached up to knock on the door, Ike was the one who answered.

"Kyle?" The Canadian was clearly shocked by his appearance, "I thought you only came for me on Sundays."

In an attempt to keep a relationship with his brother, Kyle and Ike would spend the whole day together on Sundays, sometimes Gerald and Stan joined them.

"I'm actually here to speak to mom," Kyle said, shuffling his feet.

"Do you have a death wish?" Ike asked incredulously.

"Guess so," Kyle attempted to laugh but it sounded feeble.

Ike moved aside to let them in, Kyle's nervousness increased with every step and he groped for Stan's hand, his grip tightened with each step and eventually Stan couldn't feel his fingers.

Sheila was washing the dishes when she heard someone walk into the kitchen, she looked over her shoulder to see her disowned child holding to his boyfriend's hand, she noted that the tips of Stan's fingers were white.

"Kyle," She addressed curtly, turning back to the sink.

"Mom," Kyle replied, trying to keep the tremor out of his voice.

"Why are you here?" She asked in monotone.

"I want to try and repair our relationship."

Sheila went to dry her hands, not noticing Gerald and Ike appear in the doorway, "Then sit in the dining room and I'll come and sit with you."

Everyone ended up sitting at the table, with Kyle and Sheila at opposite ends.

"I'm not going to sacrifice my relationship with Stan for the sake of this," Kyle said as soon as Sheila sat down.

Sheila nodded as if she expected this.

"That being said," Kyle continued, "I don't want to have to go through the same awkwardness of last Hanukkah."

Ike snickered, Kyle had stayed back in his old room for Hanukkah and Sheila had completely ignored him for the whole time.

"I do want a relationship with both of my sons," Sheila admitted, "It isn't fair on Gerald to juggle us. I just don't think I can deal with having you two do things in our house straight away."

"Well then I could stay at Stan's if Sharon would keep me there, Stan and I have become really close over this last year."

"Mom'll let you stay," Stan said, "She loves you dude."

"Okay then," Sheila said, "We can make an attempt."

Kyle nodded and smiled.

"Well that went well," Stan said on the way home.

"Yeah," Kyle replied, "Even if we can't work it out, I get closure over it."

Stan nodded, "You'll work it out."

"I hope so."

The walked in silence for a bit.

"Mario Kart?" Stan said after a while.

"Definitely," Kyle replied, a grin creeping onto his face.

* * *

"How was it?" Stan asked as he picked Kyle up from his anger management session.

"Bullshit," Kyle frowned, "They give you the shittiest advice. ' _Take a deep breath and count to ten_ ', I'm not five."

Stan was about to speak when Kyle cut him off.

"If you're going to say that it's my fault for punching Craig, then I know, I don't want to hear it and that fucker deserved it!"

"I wasn't going to say that," Stan sighed, "I was going to ask whether you remembered that the guys are staying over tonight."

"Yeah I remember," Kyle bit his lip, "I'm sorry I blew up at you. I'm just so sick of hearing it, that's all I've been told these past two days."

"Losing valedictorian must hurt a bit too."

Kyle nodded, "Got that right."

"You need to get it out of your system somehow don't you?" Stan smiled.

"I think I have just the way," Kyle grinned, waggling his eyebrows.

* * *

Kyle answered the door and saw Cartman, Kenny and Butters on the doorstep.

"Come in," Kyle smiled, "Stan's ordering the pizza."

All of them noticed Kyle's heavy limp as he walked back to the couch where Stan was on the phone.

"You okay?" Cartman asked.

"Fine," Kyle replied as he sat in Stan's lap.

"You have a really heavy limp," Butter said, "Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine," Kyle repeated, "I've just been really pissed off lately, so I got Stan to fuck all my anger out of me. We went four rounds."

Kenny laughed, "No wonder!"

Stan hung up and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend, "I felt so guilty afterwards, your ass was so raw."

"It probably still is," Kyle smiled, "You can't get rid of my anger unless you pound me into oblivion."

Stan kissed the back of Kyle's neck, "Don't expect it too often, I don't want to completely destroy your ass."

"So what are we going to do?" Cartman asked, changing the subject.

"We can play Smash Bros," Stan suggested.

"Sweet," Kenny smirked, "You won't beat me now."

They were all able to play together and they were all proficient players, Stan played as Samus, Kyle as Sonic, Cartman as Wario, Kenny as Marth and Butters as Princess Peach.

"Fuck you Kahl!" Cartman yelled as Sonic knocked Wario out.

"Not my fault you're shit Fatass!" Kyle replied.

"Better than you!"

"Oh yeah? I can beat my own Sonic Amiibo!"

Cartman frowned, he knew that a properly trained Amiibo was one of the most difficult opponents you could face.

"No, Kenny!" Stan yelled, "Go after Cartman!"

"AY!"

Kyle was the eventual winner.

* * *

After watching a crappy movie until 3:00 in the morning, they had run out of things to do.

"Bebe's having a party this weekend," Kyle noted as he checked Facebook, "Invite only, she's asked us to go."

"Cool," Kenny replied.

"As long as we keep Cartman from killing himself again."

Cartman frowned, "Not cool Kahl."

"Neither's overdosing on coke."

"Can it Kyle," Stan said, "He's learned his lesson."

"I'm just saying."

"And I'm just telling you to shut up."

Kyle held up his hands in defeat, "Alright, jeez."

* * *

Eventually by 4:30, Kenny, Cartman and Butters had all nodded off. Stan and Kyle were lying across the couch, having moved the others to the floor. They had their lips locked on each other's and had their attention solely on each other.

"Should we go upstairs?" Kyle whispered, bucking his hips up to meet Stan's and pressing their bulges together.

"No," Stan shook his head, "Not while they're here."

"They're asleep," Kyle whined, "C'mon."

"What if they wake up?"

"Fuck, I _need_ you."

Stan pressed their lips together again and began to grind their hips together.

"Don't do that!" Kyle whisper-shouted, "It makes me want you more!"

"Sorry."

"God, I want you so bad."

"You say that like I don't want you just as bad."

"Then take me upstairs!"

"Not while everyone's down here."

Kenny opened an eyelid, showing that he had been awake and eavesdropping the whole time.

"If you two want to fuck, go upstairs and do it," He said, "I don't want to hear Kyle whining like a bitch."

"See?" Kyle kissed the corner of Stan's mouth, "Kenny said it's okay, there's the green light you wanted."

"But…"

"Just go and sit him on your dick," Kenny smirked, "Kyle looks like he's got enough energy to ride you."

* * *

As it turned out, Kyle had ridden Stan's cock, something he knew Stan liked just from the sight alone. They had wiped themselves down with washcloths to prevent waking people up with the shower and gotten redressed before going back downstairs and cuddling on the couch.

"Enjoy yourselves?" Kenny smirked with a raised eyebrow.

"Actually we did," Kyle replied, nuzzling closer to Stan, "Very much so."

"Good, Stan looks exhausted."

"That my fifth orgasm in less than a day," Stan kissed Kyle's cheek, "Kyle's not looking too energetic himself."

Kenny chuckled, "I've done six before."

"Oh well sorry my dick isn't a fountain," Stan laughed, "Oh great ejaculator."

"Finally, you've called me by my full title."

Kyle laughed loudly and it made Butters stir.

Stan pressed a kiss to Kyle's cheek, "I'm going to try and catch some winks, that okay with you?"

Kyle nodded, "I'm okay with cuddling."

Stan pecked his lips gently before letting his eyes fall shut.

* * *

 **Soon we'll be getting to the last story arc of this fic.**


	16. Chapter 16: Chilled Out

**This is more of a filler chapter before the final story arc.**

* * *

Dysfunctional

Chapter 16: Chilled Out

The party was much smaller than Token's, Bebe wasn't letting anyone who made fun of her through the doors. Clyde, Token and Tweek were there, but Craig wasn't.

Stan and Kyle were leaning against the living room wall with drinks in their hands, Stan with Sprite and Kyle with a rum and (Diet) Coke, Kenny was off picking up girls and Cartman was sitting on the couch with Butters.

"Where's your boss?" Stan asked Clyde as he walked past.

"Not here," Clyde replied, "He was such a dick to Bebe."

"He's suck a dick to begin with," Kyle corrected.

"He's becoming a dick to us as well," Clyde admitted as he walked off.

* * *

Wendy looked over to the homosexual couple, she had reconciled with Bebe and had been allowed into the party on the condition that she didn't cause any trouble. She felt a feeling of resignation, rather than anger. She could see how close they were just by looking at them, instead of strengthening her resolve, it made her feel guilty.

It was time to make things right.

She stood and walked over to them.

"Here comes trouble," She pretended that she didn't hear Stan say that into Kyle's ear.

"Hey Stan," She greeted a lot more nervously than usual.

"Hey Wendy," Stan was understandably wary.

"Can talk to you guys?"

"You already are," Kyle remarked.

"I wanted to apologise for being such a bitch."

Stan and Kyle's jaws both dropped.

"I can see now that there's no way to split you two up, so I'm giving up."

"Really?" Kyle asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes," Wendy replied, "I can understand why you don't believe me and I'm sorry for what I did."

She walked away, causing Stan and Kyle to glance at each other.

"Do you think she's serious?" Kyle asked.

"I dunno," Stan shrugged, "She looked sincere but she's lied a lot."

"Was Wendy causing trouble?" Bebe asked, walking over to them.

"She was apologising," Stan said, "Apparently she's going to stop going for me."

"That's good."

"How's the whole thing with you going?" Kyle asked her.

Bebe shrugged, "It's starting to pass over. I'm still pissed off that it happened in the first place."

"That's understandable," Stan nodded, "No one deserves that."

"The way you're just letting everything bounce off you is really cool," Kyle added.

"Who gave me that advice?" Bebe grinned at him.

Kyle shrugged with a smile, "There's a difference between hearing the advice and following it better than the person who gave it."

Bebe laughed, "Thanks, I've gotta go keep an eye on the party. Don't use my parents' room!"

"Telling us not to won't stop us!" Kyle shouted as she walked away, she laughed loudly in response.

Stan wrapped an arm around Kyle's waist and kissed his cheek, Kyle smiled at him as he sipped his drink.

"Don't get too drunk tonight," Stan said, "I want to have my way with you tonight."

"With an offer like that," Kyle smirked, "How can I refuse?"

* * *

"I wonder how Kenny's doing," Butters nodded.

"Look over there," Cartman pointed over to the corner of the room.

Kenny was seen with his tongue down Heidi's throat, his hands roaming all over her body.

"And he's going upstairs," Butters narrated.

Cartman took a gulp of his beer wiped his mouth with his sleeve, "How much do you wanna bet that we'll be left behind while Stan, Kyle and Kenny go and fuck."

"We'll wait until we get home," Stan said as he sat next to Butters and pulled Kyle into his lap, his arms wound around Kyle's waist.

Kyle downed the rest of his rum and (Diet) Coke, "I won't have any more alcohol, so we can actually do stuff tonight."

Cartman waggled his eyebrows, "Yeah, 'stuff'."

Kyle stuck his tongue out, "At least I can actually do 'stuff'."

Cartman shrugged, "Eventually I will too."

"Let's talk about something else," Stan diffused the situation before it ran into dangerous territory.

"Kenny went upstairs with Heidi," Butters chimed in.

"We know what he's doing," Kyle shook his head.

"What else could he be doing?" Cartman frowned, "I thought we were hanging out together."

"What does Kenny normally do at parties?" Stan asked, "Of course he was going to try and fuck someone."

"How come Stan never sits in your lap Kyle?" Butters asked.

"Have you seen the size of him?" Kyle grinned as he squeezed Stan's bicep, "Stan's taller than me, plays football so he does weight training. Muscle weighs more than fat and I'm skinny as fuck so he'd crush me."

Stan laughed, "I'm not that big."

Kyle was still squeezing Stan's bicep, "Tense."

When Stan tensed, Kyle got a grin like a giddy four-year-old.

"Love it."

Stan nuzzled his boyfriend's neck with a wide smile.

"Stan's bigger and more ripped but he acts like more of a pussy," Cartman nodded.

"Basically," Kyle admitted, "Stan cried during Bambi."

"The part where his mom died is so fucking sad," Stan retorted, "It's not my fault that when you watch a film, you have the emotional capacity of cheese."

"You should see him during horror films," Kyle laughed.

"That's enough about me during films."

"You cried when Cartman made us watch Cannibal Holocaust."

"You had trouble watching that too."

"That was understandable, I remember taking you home early."

"Even me from years ago wouldn't enjoy that," Cartman shuddered, "We were all curious."

Kyle nodded, "Butters had a two-hour long shit."

"Well the film was horrifying," Butters defended.

* * *

"Why did you want to leave early?" Kyle asked as he walked with Stan to Stark's Pond.

"The place was starting to reek of alcohol," Stan sighed, "It's difficult at times."

Kyle nodded in realisation, intertwining their fingers, "That's okay."

"Sorry if you were enjoying yourself."

"Don't worry about it," Kyle smiled at him, "You know that spending time with you is my favourite pastime."

Stan kissed Kyle's cheek, "Thanks for coming with me anyway."

"It's better if we go home," Kyle shrugged, "I'm happy that you didn't force yourself to stay and risk a possible relapse, it wouldn't have been the same without you. Who would I make out with in front of everyone else?"

"Kenny?"

"No one if you aren't there."

"Good," Stan stopped to pull Kyle into a hug, "I don't want to share you."

"I don't want to be shared," Kyle smiled.

"I always take my wallet with me because of habit," Stan said, "Wanna go to KFC or something?"

"Best date ever."

* * *

They just got a bucket of chicken and sat in a booth.

"I've definitely taken you on better dates," Stan laughed.

"It's okay," Kyle grinned back, "I'm not a 'fancy restaurant' kind of guy."

"You'd prefer to go to Shakey's."

Kyle nodded, "You know me well."

Stan leaned over to peck his lips.

"You taste like gravy," Stan smiled.

"I've just had some."

"KFC make good gravy."

"I've sat in a hot tub of it."

"You've told me."

"When we get home," Kyle smirked, "You're giving me the ride of my life."

"Afterwards, we can watch some crappy films," Stan grinned back, "Or before, you're choice."

"We'll do it after," Kyle decided, "We'll be cuddling anyway."

"We haven't been out like this for a while," Stan said.

"Yeah we have," Kyle replied, "Our anniversary."

"True, but we haven't been out like this if it's not on a special occasion for quite some time."

"I think it was six months ago," Kyle said after a moment of thought.

"We need to do this more often," Stan stated.

"I think it's probably because I've been living with you, I wake up with you every morning so it slips our mind, we already spend a lot of time together."

"That's probably why, it doesn't matter too much."

"No, but this is nice."

"Worth ditching the party?"

"Definitely."


	17. Chapter 17: Road Trip

Dysfunctional

Chapter 17: Road Trip

"Hurry up Cartman!"

"I'm coming."

No… Kenny and Cartman were not having sex. It was now summer and Kenny had decided to bring up the idea of a road trip, Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Butters all agreed so they all chipped in to rent a van. Kyle had gotten his driving license so Stan wasn't the only driving and they were setting off with no particular destination. They had filled the back with mattresses and blankets, calling it the fuck den.

Cartman climbed into the back seat of the van with Kenny, stuffing his bag in between his legs. Stan started the van and pulled off. They were very quickly leaving South Park.

"So what are we doing on this road trip?" Cartman asked.

"Travelling around America and picking up chicks," Kenny said.

"Maybe you'll be picking up chicks," Kyle grinned, "I don't have to, nor would I want to."

Kenny laughed as Cartman cringed.

"Make sure you use your mattress then," Cartman said, "I don't want Jew spooge on mine."

"I might have to use yours then," Kyle replied, but his grin showed that he wasn't serious.

* * *

They made a quick stop at an off-license, Kenny marched in armed with a fake ID and came back out with a lot of booze.

They drove until lunch time, when Stan pulled into a KFC, everyone was getting out when his phone rang.

"You guys go in," He said, "I'll take this and follow you."

Kenny went to grab a seat whilst Kyle went with Cartman to get the chicken, they still didn't trust him to not eat the skin and leave the chicken. Stan entered a while later, looking noticeably downcast.

"Is something wrong?" Kyle asked as Stan sat next to him.

"No," Stan replied, but his tone betrayed him, "I'm fine."

"I can tell when you're lying," Kyle frowned.

"I'm not lying," Stan said, he leaned over and whispered in his ear, "I'll tell you later."

Kyle didn't push the issue, placated for now. He was going to make sure he got details later.

* * *

Stan was distant throughout the rest of the day, not taking part in conversation and whenever he did it was with single sentences. Alarm bells rang in Kyle's head, it was a lot like when he went into depression the first time.

They were spending the night in a crappy motel, clearly the only purpose of the motel was being used as a place for couples to fuck or people to sleep in while travelling. It was getting dark by the time Stan pulled into the car park and whilst it was summer, it was also Colorado, meaning a distinct chill had settled into the air.

"I'm going to check whether I've left anything in the van," Kyle stated, grabbing Stan's sleeve and dragging him down to the car park. As soon as they were there he found a bench to sit down on, "What was that phone call about?"

"If I tell you," Stan said slowly, "You can't bring out your inner Sheila Broflovski."

"Yeah okay," Kyle frowned, "Just fucking tell me! We could be using the back of the van."

"It was my mom," Stan explained, his posture becoming more slumped, "Sparky's ill, it's pretty bad."

Kyle immediately gathered Stan into his arms and kissed his cheek, "You could have told me before."

"I didn't want to ruin it for everyone else, I don't want to go home yet."

"I'm not going to make you. I'm Jewish, I need to get my money's worth."

Stan chuckled, "I know that we could be in the van right now, but I don't think I could right now."

"That's okay," Kyle smiled at him, "We can do it tomorrow."

Stan kissed Kyle gently and hugged him, "Thanks for understanding."

"It's just badly timed, Sparky's a tough cookie, he'll stick it out."

* * *

They walked back up to the motel room and saw Kenny, Cartman and Butters gathered around a poker set on one of the two beds in the room.

"We dealing you in?" Kenny asked.

"We can play a few rounds," Stan answered.

"I can't be assed making decisions for myself," Kyle said, "I'll just work with Stan."

"Did you leave anything in the van?" Butters asked.

Kyle wondered what Butters was talking about for a split-second before realising the excuse he made to talk to Stan, "No, I didn't."

Cartman snickered at Butters' question before dealing the cards out.

Stan pulled Kyle into his lap (he sat there a lot) and took the cards, "We're using the van tomorrow night if we're staying in another motel. Otherwise we'll use the backseat."

"But fellas," Butters knocked his knuckles together, "We have to sit in there."

"We packed a tent," Kenny shrugged, "We'll sleep in that so you can get freaky."

"We could use the tent," Kyle replied, "If you guys would prefer."

"No," Cartman shook his head, "We'll go in the tent."

Stan pecked Kyle's cheek, "Well then we'll use the back well."

"It's been weird not having you two making out," Kenny noted, "This is the most contact you've had all day."

"I can't wait for tomorrow night," Kyle sighed, "We haven't had time because of my AP exams."

"Sorry," Stan said quietly into Kyle's ear.

"Don't worry, you have a good enough excuse."

"What's that?" Cartman asked.

"Sparky's sick," Stan explained, now sounding a bit sad, "Mom said it was pretty bad. If we were going to have sex it'd become more about forgetting about that, I could never do that to Kyle."

Kyle yanked Stan down by his shirt and attacked his lips with his own.

"I'm sorry if you think that's stupid," Stan whispered after they pulled apart.

"Dude, I'm fucking ecstatic that you think so much of me to do that."

"Of course I do," Stan smiled, "I love you."

"I love you too."

"You guys have to go sappy now, don't you?" Cartman smirked.

"I can see why the girls at school drool over you two," Kenny chuckled.

Butters was blushing.

"You heard about Bebe?" Kenny asked.

"Yeah," Kyle nodded, "She's going out with Clyde."

"That's good for her," Stan said, "As much as we hate Craig, Clyde is actually pretty cool, if not a bit of a cry-baby."

"Says you," Kyle smirked.

"I'm not a cry-baby," Stan huffed, "I'm just a bit emotional."

"Meaning you're a cry-baby," Kenny laughed.

Stan actually pouted, causing the others to erupt into laughter.

"You're pouting," Kyle chuckled, "You're not helping your case."

"I think you're being a bit too mean now fellas," Butters frowned.

"He knows we don't mean to hurt him," Kyle smiled, pecking Stan's cheek.

"Yeah, yeah," Stan feigned apathy.

* * *

Stan spooned up to Kyle that night and was pressing soft kisses to the back of his neck. Kyle would always wear his hat to bed provided they weren't having sex, but he'd allowed Stan to take it off and play with his hair, purring as the fingers made their way through his auburn curls.

"I love it when you make that noise," Stan grinned against Kyle's neck.

"As much as I hate my hair," Kyle admitted, "I love it when you play with it."

"I love your hair," Stan nuzzled the Jew-fro in question.

"That's why I don't change it," Kyle turned to cuddle up to him, "Because you love it."

"I love it when you're like this, all cuddly and affectionate. It's a side of you don't show as much in public, so only I really get to see it. In public it's more of a role reversal."

"Just because I'm not like this in public doesn't mean that I don't like to be held. I always sit in your lap and let you be affectionate."

"But you're not particularly affectionate in public."

"I'm too sleepy to have this discussion," Kyle decided.

"I'm not that tired," Stan wrapped his arms tighter around Kyle, clutching his own American football jersey that Kyle used for sleepwear, "But you can sleep."

Kyle kissed Stan's lips before settling for sleep, Stan went back to nuzzling his hair, savouring the moment like it was his last.


	18. Chapter 18: A Sour Note

**This is the last of the chapters from the original version, but there will be a few more left. There is a lemon in this chapte** **r and it will be marked by a double line break.**

* * *

Dysfunctional

Chapter 18: A Sour Note

"We'll see you guys tomorrow morning," Stan said, a wide smile on his face, "We have some stuff to do."

"Yeah," Cartman replied, "Each other."

Kyle laughed as Stan wrapped an arm around his waist and guided him out of the motel room.

"Well," Kenny grinned, "Now we don't have to see them being sickeningly adorable."

"It's not like it's a problem," Butters shrugged.

"True, but it can get annoying when we're talking and they start tongue-fucking each other's mouths."

Cartman nodded, "We'll probably go down there tomorrow morning and they'll be still be fucking."

Kenny turned to look at Cartman, "You been okay since…?"

Cartman nodded when Kenny trailed off he knew what he was talking about, "I'm fine."

"Good," Kenny said, if he was paying as much attention to detail as he usually did, he'd notice that Cartman was wearing long sleeves in the middle of summer.

* * *

Stan had pushed Kyle up against the side of the van, holding him up by his legs as they kissed deeply. Kyle pushed his hips forward to make contact between their very prevalent bulges, both of them moaning into the kiss.

Stan regretfully set his boyfriend down and unlocked the van doors and opening them. He climbed into the back before reaching down and lifting Kyle up again, setting him down on the mattress covered in blue blankets, marked for Stan and used for this very purpose. He closed the van doors before locking them. He got back down on top of Kyle and joined their lips together again, ripping Kyle's ushanka off and running his hands through the curls.

When Stan turned his attention to Kyle's neck to suck on it and leave hickeys, Kyle tore Stan's hat off and threw it to the same place his ushanka had landed. As Stan descended down Kyle's body, he brought his T-shirt up and over his head, he ran his fingers over the two scars on Kyle's body and began leaving hickeys all over his chest. Kyle took Stan's shirt off and ran his hands over Stan's body. Stan moved even lower, finally shedding the remainder of Kyle's clothing and kissing the tip of his dick. Kyle gasped softly and looked down to see Stan about take it into his mouth, he quickly reached out to grab Stan's head, causing the blue eyes to peer up at him.

"Don't," Kyle shook his head, "I'll cum too quickly, it's been three weeks."

Stan smirked and took a quick lick, "What's wrong with that?"

"I want to cum with you inside me."

Stan could feel his dick get even harder when Kyle said that and stripped his remaining clothes as quickly as he could. He got up and walked over to his rucksack, pulling out a bottle of lube, a box of Kleenex and his inhaler before walking back, taking his position on top of Kyle.

He squirted a dollop of lube onto his fingers and entered Kyle with one of them.

"You can at least put two in," Kyle whined.

Stan pulled his finger out and immediately replaced it with two fingers, making a few scissoring motions to stretch him out. He went for Kyle's prostate straight away, knowing exactly where it was from experience. Kyle groaned at the contact and began fucking himself on Stan's fingers.

Stan pulled the fingers out and lathered his cock in lube, Kyle wrapped his legs around Stan's waist and his arms around his neck, kissing him as Stan put tip to Kyle's arsehole.

"I won't be able to go fast," Stan admitted, "I'll cum so quickly it won't even be funny."

"I don't care," Kyle replied with a kiss, "I just want to feel you."

Stan couldn't make him wait any longer and entered his boyfriend, groaning at the tightness and warmth whilst Kyle moaned loudly at the sensation of being filled. Stan covered his hand in lube to prevent chafing and wrapped it around Kyle's cock whilst beginning to buck his hips, pulling out halfway before thrusting back in, the sensation from both ends made Kyle moan louder.

Stan loved this, seeing the normally strong-willed, independent Kyle Broflovski so unravelled and being the only one to see it, it was an honour.

Stan moved his other hand over Kyle's nipples, which he knew to be particularly sensitive, and gently ran his thumb over them before taking the right one in-between his thumb and index finger and gently rolling it. He was going to take the other one in his mouth but Kyle caught his lips in a deep kiss before pulling away and baring his neck for Stan to kiss. Stan gently obliged before starting to suck again.

"Stan, I'm gonna…"

Kyle's sentence was lost in a loud moan as his arse clenched with his orgasm and he came over their chests, moaning Stan's name the whole time. The extra tightness caused Stan's sensation to build and causing him to moan loudly as waves of pleasure washed over him and he filled Kyle's backside with his seed, continuing with shallow thrusts to milk himself of all of his cum.

Kyle was going to join their lips together again before noticing that Stan was short of breath, he reached to grab his inhaler, forcing the end into his mouth and pressing it for him, this happened quite often after sex. Stan pulled off the inhaler when he was certain he could breathe again and kissed Kyle deeply, pulling out and falling beside him when they disconnected, he reached for the Kleenex and pulled a few tissues out.

"I came so hard," Stan said as he nuzzled Kyle's cheek and wiped the cum from their chests.

"I know, I felt it," Kyle replied, "I did too."

Kyle shivered as the chill of the night finally got to them and Stan crawled over to get the green blankets from Kyle's mattress covering himself and his boyfriend with both them and the blue ones before cuddling Kyle and wrapping his arms tightly around him.

"I love you so much," Stan muttered, sounding like he was going to get emotional.

"I love you too," Kyle answered, pulling Stan into yet another kiss.

* * *

Kyle soon fell asleep as Stan lay awake, reminiscing about their first time. It took place at around two in the morning in Kyle's room before he got kicked out. They'd been fourteen and it had been entirely unplanned. They been on the Xbox and then the next thing they knew, Stan had emptied his balls inside Kyle's backside, both of them trying to keep their moans as quiet as possible as so not wake anybody up. Kyle had originally been self-conscious about his body. Stan's many years of American football had done him well, whilst Kyle was short and pretty scrawny, even though he was the star player in the school basketball team and still was. He had large, visible scar over his abdomen from his kidney transplant. Stan could still remember the way his emerald eyes lit up when Stan called him 'God's gift to humanity' in terms of looks. But what he remembered most about that night wasn't that, it wasn't the sex (because in all honesty, it was pretty disastrous), but the ultimate feeling of closeness as they lay together afterwards in complete silence, having given their virginity to the other.

It was then that they both knew that the original experiment had become something more.

Stan woke the next morning with Kyle curled up on top of him, his head tucked under his chin. Kyle was snoring, they were both pretty loud when it came to snoring, Stan being louder than Kyle. He tightened his hold around Kyle ever so slightly, but Kyle, being the light sleeper that he was, stirred and his eyelids fluttered open.

"Morning dude," Stan smiled as Kyle pecked his lips and curled further into him, everyone knew Kyle was fierce, but he was soft around his boyfriend, always yearning for affection and liking to feel protected, he would never admit to the latter.

"Morning," Kyle replied, half of his face nuzzled into Stan's chest. Stan thought Kyle was cute when he was like this, not that he'd ever tell the Jew that.

Stan just held Kyle close, tangling his hand in the mass of fiery curls upon his head until the ginger spoke again.

"Can I drive today?"

"Yeah, if you want," Stan wondered whether this was just Kyle trying to show off his independence, he had always felt challenged by his height and like to prove that he could do things himself. Not long after their first anniversary, Kyle had broken his arm trying to overcome his height.

* * *

Even so, Stan allowed Kyle to drive with Cartman and Kenny arguing in the back over who topped out of Stan and Kyle that night, Kenny on the side of Kyle and Cartman on the side of Stan, Butters had refused to comment. Neither of the boys felt like revealing the answer, even though they had admitted to Stan topping more often. Eventually the argument shifted to who would top of Cartman and Kenny, This was when Stan and Kyle chipped in.

"Cartman's stronger than Kenny and much more devious," Stan said thoughtfully, "He probably tops."

"HA!" Cartman boomed triumphantly.

"I dunno," Kyle reasoned, "Kenny has more experience, he probably has his ways."

"AY!"

The argument ceased as Stan's phone rang, his relaxed expression quickly shifting to one of worry.

"It's mom," Stan said, "It'll probably be about Sparky."

"Answer it," Kyle said as he pulled over, resting a hand on Stan's bicep, "It might be okay."

Stan answered worriedly, "Hello... Yeah…" He took his hat off and ran his hand through his hair, "Yeah… Goddamnit… Okay bye."

Stan turned to look at Kyle, his eyes filled with tears, "They put him down."

Kyle wrapped his arms around him and pulled him into his chest in front of the two bewildered boys in the back. Stan was sobbing so hard that he was getting short of breath.

"Let's go and get your inhaler," Kyle whispered in Stan's ear before getting out the van, Stan following on the other side. They sat on the edge of the back of the van, their feet dangling off the side. Their arms wrapped around the other's waist whilst Stan took puffs of his inhaler.

Cartman and Kenny eventually followed them out and took seats next to them, Cartman next to Kyle and Kenny next to Stan.

"Don't worry dude," Kyle said as he took Stan's hand in his own, "We're here for you."

"You don't just have Kyle," Cartman said, "You have us as well."

"At least he isn't suffering anymore," Kenny said, trying to find a positive.

"He'll always be looking down on you and he'll always be with you," Butters knocked his knuckles together.

They sat there for a while, the only sounds being Stan's sobs and Kyle cooing into his ear.

"Do you want to go home?" Cartman asked, "I'm okay with cutting the trip short if you want to go back."

Stan shook his head, "I'll be okay, it's just a shock. My Dad's going round and burying him in the backyard."

"We'll have our own service when we get back," Kyle muttered, "We'll give him a proper send-off."

Stan laid his head on Kyle's shoulder as he began to regain his composure, "Can we hold on for a bit?"

"Sure," Kyle nodded, "We can wait as long as you need."

It was ten minutes before they began to move again, with the promise of Stan choosing where they stopped for lunch.

* * *

 **Personally I think this is my best chapter name.**


	19. Chapter 19: Contrasting Moods

Dysfunctional

Chapter 19: Contrasting Moods

Stan had been quite subdued since he heard the news, that was two days ago and whilst he'd cheered up slightly, he was putting a damper on the road trip, not that anyone would tell him or that he intended to.

Kyle was driving again and he was looking for the campsite they were stopping at for the night, it was times like this, he was happy that they brought a large tent with two separate sleeping compartments.

"What are the sleeping arrangements?" Butters asked.

Everyone who wasn't driving turned to look at him incredulously.

"You serious?" Cartman asked.

"Us in one compartment, Stan and Kyle in the other," Kenny said, shaking his head, "Earplugs in our ears."

Kyle laughed, "Hopefully."

Stan cast his eyes to Kyle with an apologetic glance, Kyle just smiled at him and laid his hand reassuringly on his knee.

"We don't have to if you're still upset," Kyle spoke gently.

Stan linked their fingers together and smiled back, "We'll see."

* * *

The campsite wasn't very busy, but there were other people there. They chose a spot away from the other groups of people, Kyle parked the van and got out first walking to the back to get their tent and sleeping bags.

They'd finished setting up the tent when someone from a different part of the campsite had walked to see them.

"Hey," The person said, "Name's Graham. We're having a party by our campsite later, we're asking everyone here if they want to join in."

"Yeah, we'll be there," Kenny answered for them.

"Cool, see you guys later."

He walked off leaving the five to set out their sleeping bags.

* * *

Cartman had brought a shaving razor away with him, or rather a shaving razor head.

Only one of those words mattered to him.

He locked himself in a bathroom stall and rolled his sleeve up, direct the blades of the razor into his wrist and applying pressure as he swiped them across.

He was weak.

He knew it.

And it tore him apart.

Stan's dog had just died and he was holding up better than Cartman was holding up because of a bit of verbal abuse.

No one knew what had happened to Cartman recently, he went quiet in terms of his problems.

They'd know whose fault it was.

Once again, Craig Fucking Tucker.

He'd crossed the line again.

This time, it had been over the internet. They'd been friends on Facebook since they were ten, they'd just never blocked each other.

Craig had made use of messenger, starting with simple messages calling him fat and then escalating until he'd sent a video.

Cartman still didn't know why he'd opened it.

The video was blurry, dark and short but it was clear as to what it was.

He'd only needed to hear two words to know.

 _Fuck me._

It haunted him, he'd seen a video like that before when he was eight and someone had shit on his mother. Stan had thrown up upon seeing that one.

But knowing that the person fucking her was _Craig Fucking Tucker_?

It was too much.

* * *

Kenny was looking for his tubby friend whilst the other three were at that party they'd been invited to earlier. Cartman had said that he'd gone for a shit.

Shits didn't take thirty minutes.

He didn't get the expected assault on his sinuses when he opened the door to the toilets.

Cartman was stepping out of a stall when Kenny walked in.

"Kenny?" Cartman jumped upon seeing him.

"You were taking a while," Kenny said casually.

"I'm fine, just had a lot built up you know?"

"No I don't know," Kenny's expression quickly switched to a frown, "You had a shit this morning and you've eaten as much as the rest of us."

Cartman held back a look of horror.

"Show me your wrists."

Cartman didn't move.

"NOW!"

Cartman used his bulk to push past Kenny and shoved him to the side. Kenny was able to see a glimpse of the red and followed him as the fatass ran.

"Get back here Cartman!"

* * *

Kyle could hear the shout as he went to grab his phone from the van glove compartment. He turned to see Cartman barrelling towards him with his parka-clad friend chasing him. Kyle lashed out with his fist as Cartman got close, he wasn't aiming to hit him full-on, instead clipping Cartman's ear and knocking him off balance.

"Thanks Kyle," Kenny huffed as he caught up, "I didn't know he could run that fast."

"Tell me what's going on later," Kyle nodded in response to the thanks, "I need to get back to Stan, some guy's hitting on him."

Kyle walked off immediately, leaving Kenny with the still grounded Cartman.

"You still do this?" Kenny asked venomously.

"It doesn't concern you Kenny."

"Doesn't concern me? It does concern me because it means I've _failed my best friend_!"

Those words stopped Cartman's thoughts in their tracks.

"Seeing you do this makes me want to die."

"Not like it'd matter to you."

"What?"

"I know Kenny." Cartman revealed, "I know that you can't die."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I thought that you'd think I was crazy. What was I supposed to say? ' _Hey Kenny, how was hell?_ ' It's not that easy."

"Stop this okay?" Kenny's anger had faded, "Stop this, I'll help you."

"Then stop dying on me."

"I can try."

* * *

"I told you," Stan pinched the bridge of his nose in exasperation, "I have a boyfriend."

"Don't be like that," The guy growled huskily, "You're so fucking hot, you should be with someone like me."

Stan sidestepped away when the guy tried to grab his arse, "Fuck off."

"Don't play so hard to get, you need a good fucking."

"Leave me alone!" Stan hissed, "I'm not telling you again!"

"Does that mean you'll cave if I carry on?"

* * *

"He still hasn't left him alone."

"Thanks Butters," Kyle sighed, "I'll sort this out."

"Be careful Kyle," Butters trembled, "He's _huge_!"

Kyle marched over to his boyfriend and saw him starting to get pissed off.

"Come on," The guy smirked, "Let's go to my tent."

"He said to leave him alone," Kyle growled, his hand balling into fists at his side.

" _This_ is your boyfriend?" The fucker laughed, "Looks more like a bitch to me."

"Say it again," Kyle snarled, "I fucking dare you."

Graham walked over upon seeing the commotion, "Leave it Sean."

"No, I'm going to laugh at this little bitch as he tries to look tough."

That was it.

It was going to happen.

Time to throwdown.

Kyle launched an explosive jab and his fist slammed Sean's stomach, when Sean hunched over he fired his patented right hook and made full contact with his jaw, forcing Sean to the ground.

"Don't let me see you touch my boyfriend again," Kyle spat venomously as his green eyes narrowed, "Or I'll fucking destroy you."

"Like to see you try bitch."

Kyle was going to crash his foot into Sean's face but Stan grabbed him round his waist.

"C'mon Ky," Stan said evenly as he led him away from the scene, "Let's go back the tent."

"Alright," Kyle allowed himself to cool, "But first I'm going the bathroom."

* * *

Kyle washed his hands thoroughly and stepped out into the night again to see Sean standing in his way.

"What do you want now?" Kyle sighed.

"You made me look like a pussy in front of my friends," Sean cracked his knuckles.

"I don't have time for this."

"You don't have a choice.

Sean threw his fast but Kyle used his size to his advantage and dodged easily, twisting into a roundhouse kick and striking Sean's back.

"Don't waste my fucking time," Kyle sighed as he turned to walk away.

Kyle had made it a few paces when he heard the footsteps on the grass and he turned, meeting a fist with his face and feeling a sharp pain in his cheek.

"Who's the waste of time now?"

Kyle brought his knee up and crushed Sean's testicles, "You are."

Kyle turned and walked away again, this time he wasn't followed.

* * *

"What happened?" Stan pulled him into their compartment when he saw Kyle appear in the doorway and saw his face in the light from the electric lantern hanging from one of the poles.

"Sean came back for more," Kyle shrugged, "I put him in his place."

"You've cut your cheek," Stan told him as he looked for a first aid kit.

"He must have worn a ring," Kyle replied as he unlocked his phone and opened the camera app, using the frontal camera to see his face, sure enough, there was a long gash down his left cheek.

"Did he hurt you anywhere else?" Stan asked worriedly.

"No," Kyle chuckled and then hissed as Stan pressed an antiseptic wipe to the cut, "He only landed one hit."

Stan made a mournful noise as he gently dabbed Kyle's cheek, the Jew had stopped hissing but his left eye was tightly shut.

"You're so brave," Stan said softly, "Fighting for me like that."

"You'd do the same for me," Kyle smiled at him, "Even though you're a huge pussy."

Stan laughed, he knew that Kyle was only joking, "I would, it's the only time I'd fight."

Stan tossed the wipe away and pulled Kyle into a kiss, wrapping his arms around his waist and pulling his shirt over his head.

* * *

The noises from that side of the campsite made Sean's blood boil.


	20. Chapter 20: Returning from the Road Trip

**The next chapter is the last one.**

* * *

Dysfunctional

Chapter 20: Returning from the Road Trip

Stan had immensely cheered up since Kyle's fight, especially when Kyle got a death glare from Sean after getting out of the tent hand-in-hand with Stan.

Kyle had responded maturely by sticking his tongue out.

So after spending two weeks pissing people off and finding more places to get drunk they were on their way home, Stan was driving because Kyle was nursing a hangover, hence the paper bags stuffed in the glove box.

Kenny also had a hangover but Cartman and Butters didn't, Cartman was having fun kicking the back of Kyle's chair.

"Stop it Cartman!" Kyle shouted and then winced, holding a hand to his head.

"How's your head?" Stan asked with concern.

"Feels like it's getting repeatedly hit with a club."

Stan chuckled, "I'll get you some coffee at the next service station."

"I hate coffee."

"It's good for hangovers."

Kyle was about to respond but his chair was getting kicked again, "Cartman, stop kicking my chair, it's making me nauseous!"

Cartman gave it three more kicks, but that was enough to force Kyle into scrambling for a bag from the glove box. Luckily, he was able to get all of his sick into the bag and he closed the top to prevent as much of the odour from being released into the car and getting Kenny to throw up as well.

"I think I need to brush my teeth as well," Kyle panted, exhausted from his violent retching.

"I'd drink the coffee first though," Butters said, "Because otherwise the coffee goes all minty and disgusting."

"That's a very fair point," Stan agreed.

"But if I don't brush my teeth," Kyle countered, "I can't kiss Stan."

"Also a very good point," Stan nodded.

Kyle yawned, "Wake me up when we get there."

"Okay dude," Stan smiled at him.

Kyle was asleep in minutes, his head lolling to the side.

"Hey Stan," Kenny asked, "When you call each other dude is it like calling a girlfriend babe?"

Stan thought for a second, "I guess, but we've called each other that since we met. Maybe our meaning for it changed."

"You say it like you're calling each other babe," Butters said.

"Then yes it is."

"Well that was cleared up with needing to be," Cartman snickered.

"I was just curious," Kenny shrugged.

"No problem with that," Stan said.

* * *

"Kyle," Stan gently shook his boyfriend, "We're here."

Kyle groaned and attempted to curl as much as he could in the seat.

"C'mon Ky," Stan smiled, "You need to brush your teeth remember? I got your toothbrush."

Kyle groaned again and uncurled, "Fine."

"I'll get you the coffee."

"Can you get me a bottle of water and some Advil?"

"Yeah, of course," Stan kissed his forehead, "You look pale."

"I have a hangover and I threw up before."

Stan chuckled and left to go and get Kyle the coffee, water and Advil.

* * *

Kyle had brushed his teeth without any problems (not that there would be) and left the bathroom to look for Stan, he went to check Starbucks and then to Harbucks, he saw Stan standing in line with a plastic bag in his hand. Kyle walked over to him and hugged his boyfriend.

"You got the Advil?" Kyle asked.

"Yeah," Stan nodded, "You want some now?"

Kyle was already reaching into the plastic bag to grab a bottle of Wottur and the Advil, popping two pills and downing half the bottle.

Stan ordered a black coffee for Kyle and he took a gulp, despite the minty influence from the toothpaste and his dislike for the liquid. After leaving the shop, Stan went to Dunkin' Donuts to get some donuts (no surprise there) for the group, Cartman had requested donuts but he was going with Kenny and Butters to the KFC.

* * *

They found them in the seating area with a large bucket of chicken. Stan and Kyle squeezed into the booth next to Butters.

"You get the donuts?" Cartman asked.

"What's right in front of you fatass?" Kyle raised an eyebrow.

"Christ Kyle, get the sand out of your vagina."

"Get the cabbage out of your muff."

Cartman shivered at the reminder of events that happened last time Kyle said that.

"You actually made me puke," Kyle frowned.

"He has a point," Stan agreed.

Kyle turned to Kenny, "You want an Advil?"

Kenny shook his head, "My head isn't that bad."

Kyle nodded and leaned into Stan as he took some chicken from the bucket.

* * *

They were driving again soon after finishing their food. Kyle hadn't finished his coffee and it now made its residence in the cup holder.

"You guys going to that school dance next week?" Kenny asked after a while.

"There's a school dance in the middle of August?" Cartman asked incredulously.

"It's South Park," Kyle reasoned, "What did you expect?"

"The dance to be during school time."

"Kyle and I are going," Stan said, "Why not?"

"I'm going because Stan's hot in a suit," Kyle shrugged.

"I guess I could go," Butters decided, "Do we have to have dates?"

"No," Stan shook his head, "Obviously I'm going with Kyle, but you don't have to have a date."

"I can probably set you up," Kenny smirked, "I'm going with Heidi, she might know someone who needs a date."

"I'm probably not going," Cartman sighed.

Everyone (except Stan, who was driving) turned to look at him like he was a retard.

"Why not?" Butters asked.

"I'm not going to get a date," Cartman frowned, "I'm one of the most hated guys in school so why bother?"

"Why not?" Kyle countered, "Not everyone's going to have a date."

"Yeah, but all you guys will."

"So? Stan and I will hang with you."

"Remember what happened last time?"

That forced Kyle to stop in his tracks, he and Stan had gone to the bathrooms and fucked in one of the stalls before going home to continue their romp whilst forgetting to tell the others.

"We won't do that this time?" Kyle tried but Cartman just shook his head.

"Look, I get it," Cartman shrugged, "You two want to spend some time together on a date and the dance is the perfect time to do that. I don't want to be a third wheel."

Kyle was about to respond, but Stan just laid a hand on his knee.

"He doesn't want to go," Stan wore a smile that said he wasn't happy with this revelation, "So leave it."

Kyle frowned but sipped his coffee instead.

"I could go with you," Butters smiled brightly, "We can go as friends or I could wear my Marjorine stuff."

"I'll think about it," Cartman said after thinking for a while.


	21. Chapter 21: The School Dance

Dysfunctional

Chapter 21: The School Dance

Kyle took the chicken soup from his boyfriend and smiled in thanks. Stan sat next to him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, pulling him close.

Kyle was sick, when he first got unwell he was throwing up but now he just felt like shit in conjunction with having a nose so congested, he pronounced his boyfriend's name as 'Stad'. His forehead was sweaty and his hair was matted to it, showing from under his ushanka.

Stan had taken his usual role as Kyle's caretaker, which mainly involved cuddling him and refilling his sports bottle with water.

They were on the couch, Kyle had the covers from their bed over his legs and he was leaning into Stan, who was waiting to take the bowl out. When he finished, Stan took the bowl out and laid it in the sink before coming back and lying across the couch, pulling Kyle on top of him and reaching for the TV remote, turning the TV on and opening Netflix.

"You feeling any better?" Stan asked him.

Kyle nodded, "A little bit."

Stan kissed Kyle's flushed cheek and pulled the blankets over him, and himself because Kyle was laid across him. Kyle curled up and nuzzled half of his face into Stan's chest.

"Are going to be able to go the dance?" Stan asked.

"I don't know," Kyle groaned.

The dance was two days away and Kyle had been ill for three.

"It doesn't matter if you're not well enough," Stan smiled at him.

"But you want to go," Kyle shook his head as he took a sip from his sports bottle, "I want to go."

"I only want to go if I'm spending time with you," Stan kissed his cheek again, "If I have to spend time in bed with you watching crappy movies that's okay too."

Kyle smiled up at him, "You're the best."

"I try."

Kyle yawned, he'd been kept up by his illness until the early hours of the morning.

"You're allowed to sleep," Stan grinned.

"Promise not to move?"

Stan laughed, "Of course."

When Kyle was sick, he loved to have Stan's attention on him and he was guilty of playing up his illness to get Stan to be attentive to him and look after him. Stan had never once complained about having to look after Kyle, even in the instances where Kyle's weak immune system had forced them to cancel dates. He'd never say ' _we could be at (insert place name here)_ ', it was usually Kyle who complained about it.

Stan had selected a movie to watch but Kyle had fallen asleep after thirty minutes, his snores filling the room. Stan took his boyfriend's ushanka off and began playing with his hair, setting the hat on the floor by the couch. Kyle unconsciously moved his head closer to Stan's touch, causing Stan to chuckle.

* * *

True to his word, Stan was holding Kyle in the same position when he woke up two hours later. Kyle nuzzled into Stan's neck but allowed him to continue playing with his hair, Stan smiled as Kyle began to purr.

"I love it when you do that," Stan smiled.

"I was able to gather that," Kyle replied, "You make me do it often."

"Because it sounds like you're happy."

"I'm as happy as someone sick can be right now."

They heard the front door open and Sharon walked in, setting her keys on the table.

"Hello boys," She smiled at them, she looked tired.

"Hi mom," Stan replied, Kyle waved at her.

"You feeling better Kyle?" Sharon immediately looked concerned.

"A little bit," The Jew replied, "I'm still really tired."

The last statement was directed more at Stan.

"You just slept for two hours," Stan frowned.

"Being ill saps energy," Sharon said.

"True," Stan conceded.

"Do you want dinner with us?" Sharon turned to Kyle, "Or do you want something small?"

"Something small," Kyle answered immediately, "I don't have much of an appetite."

"Okay, will a sandwich do?"

Kyle nodded and curled into Stan, who kissed his forehead.

"You definitely like to be held," Stan laughed.

"It's been proven that cuddles cure illness," Kyle replied.

Stan and Sharon both laughed.

"That's a good enough reason," Sharon smiled, "You heard that Stan."

"Yeah," Stan grinned, "I'll give him enough cuddles for him to get better."

* * *

Kyle was shifting endlessly, Stan was asleep and holding him but Kyle was shuffling without stop.

"Are you okay?" Stan asked groggily, having been woken up by Kyle's incessant moving.

"I'm hungry," Kyle groaned.

Stan got up and went downstairs, returning later with a sandwich.

"You feeling better?" Stan asked and he leaned on Kyle.

"Loads," Kyle replied as he ate the sandwich quickly, much faster than earlier. He'd basically forced it down after feeling full halfway through.

"Rest up tomorrow," Stan smiled, "Then we'll see if you're well enough to go the dance."

* * *

Kyle was well enough to go the dance as it turned out, and Stan had his arm wrapped around his waist. The dance had a formal dress code, so they were wearing suits. Both of their suits were black, Stan was wearing a blue shirt and a green tie whilst Kyle was wearing a green shirt and a blue tie (he was also wearing his ushanka, there was no stopping him).

"You are giving me one dance," Stan said.

Even when they went to dances, they usually went to hang out because Kyle was atrocious at dancing and was usually embarrassed. They were always the centre of attention when they danced because they were two guys.

"Do we have to?" Kyle sighed.

"I'll take the lead," Stan squeezed him close, "Just follow me."

"Okay."

"We don't have to do it straight away."

Stan opened the door to the gymnasium and stepped in. The lights were off, but there were coloured lights around the room that were on. There was a space in the middle for dancing and a large food table off to the side.

Stan spotted Kenny and Heidi on the stands where spectators would sit during basketball games or other indoor sports. Kenny's suit was powder blue and he was wearing an orange shirt with a red tie, the colours didn't work too well together.

"Hey guys," Kenny waved them over.

"Hey Kenny," Stan smiled, "You're looking nice Heidi."

"Thank you," She smiled back, "You two aren't looking bad yourselves."

"Better than Kenny I hope," Kyle grinned, "Sorry, but those colours are awful."

"I look fine," Kenny waved dismissively.

"Sorry," Heidi shook her head, "But they're not very flattering."

Kenny mock pouted as Stan and Kyle took a seat next to him.

"Do you know whether Cartman's coming?" Kyle asked.

"No," Kenny shrugged, "He hasn't said anything."

"I didn't check my phone for the whole time Kyle was sick," Stan frowned, "When I checked today I had no new messages."

"Are you feeling better?" Kenny asked, turning to the redhead.

"Yeah," Kyle nodded, "Stan's cuddles have magic healing powers."

"He wouldn't let me let go of him," Stan smiled, pulling his boyfriend close.

Kenny laughed, "Kyle being softer than a tit? I'd love to see that."

"I wasn't that bad," Kyle argued adamantly.

"You really were dude," Stan smiled, "Like I cared, I love it when you give me attention."

Kyle blushed and turned away. Stan laughed and wrapped an arm over his shoulders.

"Don't worry about it," Stan chuckled, "Everyone's like that when they're sick."

Kyle glared at Stan, but the older teen replied with a kiss.

They heard the doors of the gymnasium opened and the group looked over to the doors to see Cartman walking in with Butters. Butters was wearing a grey suit with a cyan shirt and a pink tie whilst Cartman was wearing a brown suit with a red shirt and a black tie. They walked over to the group.

"Before you ask," Cartman said, "We're here as friends. You guys were coming so we thought we'd tag along."

"Cool," Kyle smiled, "You're not in matching suits like me and Stan, I didn't think you were a date."

"Stan and I," Butters corrected.

"Whatever," Stan shrugged, "We didn't think you were gay, that's the point."

Kyle nudged Stan, "Look over there."

He pointed to where Wendy was dancing with Tweek of all people.

"I didn't expect that," Stan grinned, "I guess if they're happy, it doesn't matter."

"I'm ready to embarrass myself for you," Kyle sighed, but he smiled at Stan.

"We'll have a slow dance," Stan looked giddy, "I want to have a real romantic thing with you, we don't really do that much."

"You're such a girl Stan," Cartman chuckled.

"I don't think it's girly," Butters knocked his knuckles together, "There's nothing wrong with wanting to be romantic with your other half."

"Thank you," Stan smirked, "The most romantic thing we do is play video games."

Kyle rolled his eyes, "Not like that's a problem."

"No it isn't," Kenny agreed, "That works for you guys."

Heidi had been quiet as the five friends were talking, but she decided to add her two cents, "Sometimes being romantic in a couple doesn't work, the best couples are never the textbook definition. You never fall in love at first sight, it takes time but you two work with just being best friends with more kissing."

"That's what I always say," Kyle pointed out.

"Whatever Ky," Stan laughed at his insistence, "If we were love at first sight, we'd have been a couple since we were babies."

"Sometimes we think you were," Butters chuckled.

"You two have always been joined at the hip," Cartman smiled.

"It was only a matter of time," Kenny snickered.

"You were voted cutest couple in our grade in the girls' most recent list," Heidi added.

"Thanks…?" Kyle replied, "I guess."

A slower song started playing and as soon as Stan saw other couples slow dancing, he dragged Kyle up to dance with him, laying his hands on the Jew's hips and bringing Kyle's arms up to wrap around his neck.

Stan seemed like he was in bliss and delightfully ignorant of whenever Kyle messed up his steps, Kyle could see how happy Stan was and he decided it was worth the embarrassment. When the song came to a close, Stan pulled Kyle into a deep, passionate, loving kiss, bringing a cheer from the entire gymnasium.

Stan smiled brightly, making Kyle blush.

Kyle pulled him into another kiss, drawing another cheer.

"You two were so sickeningly cute," Cartman pretended to gag.

Stan smiled, "We try."

"We do?" Kyle asked.

"Of course."

"Look out," Kenny pointed as they sat back down, Wendy was walking over, but she was with Bebe.

"Hey guys," Wendy looked nervous.

"Hey Wendy," Stan waved, pulling Kyle closer.

"I thought it was really sweet that you guys slow danced."

"Thanks," Kyle smiled, "Hopefully I didn't embarrass myself with my complete lack of rhythm."

Bebe giggled, "I think that everyone was concentrated more on how adorable you two were than your awful dancing, and how sweet Stan was for ignoring it."

"I'd much rather dance shittily with Kyle once than amazingly with someone else many times," Stan nuzzled his boyfriend, making Kyle blush again.

"I'm surprised Kyle didn't walk off after he kept messing up," Wendy grinned.

"I saw how happy Stan was," Kyle said sheepishly, "I couldn't end that early. I was happy that Stan was happy."

Stan kissed his cheek and pulled Kyle into his lap, "I love you so much."

"I love you too," Kyle returned his kiss.

Bebe 'sqeeeed' and got dragged away by Wendy and Heidi, leaving Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Cartman and Butters.

There had originally been four of them, but they had been a five frequently until finally becoming the five permanently. Sure, things had changed, Stan and Kyle were in a gay relationship that had become very serious, Kenny whored himself out for money, Cartman had actually stopped being the most evil child ever and Butters still had self-esteem issues.

They never functioned as well on their own, but together they were something more.

* * *

 **That's it, the end of Dysfunctional. I've really enjoyed writing this, so much that I shifted my writing focus from** **Pokémon to South Park. I invested myself into these characters and I pushed my other projects to the side because I wanted to write this instead. So then I guess I should say thank you to the readers, who made this my most popular story on my profile. The sequel 'Functional' will also be getting re-written but I'm not sure whether that will be straight away or not because I have other projects I should probably finish.**


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